Sookie: A few weeks ago I read in the paper that there was going to be an episode of Dark Shadows on, the one where Barnabas is released from his tomb, and I used to love Dark Shadows, and I just suddenly really wanted to see it.
Lorelai: Sure.
Sookie: So, I didn't get off work in time to get home and see it, so I just came up here, and it was just supposed to be that one time, but the room was really nice, and I was really comfortable, and there were Toblerones, and I just had the best time. It was an hour all to myself, and the next week it was another good episode, and I just kinda...
Lorelai: Decided to haunt the place.
Sookie: I tried to clean up afterwards, and the bed was not mussed. Michel is too anal for his own good.

Rory: Oh, Doyle told me that your dad is throwing a party for Seymour Hersh?
Logan: Ah, you want to talk about boring?
Rory: How can meeting Seymour Hersh be boring? I love him. I read My Lai Four when I was twelve and I've been obsessed with him ever since.
Logan: You read a book about the My Lai massacre when you were twelve?
Rory: Well, I polished off Nancy Drew that year, too.

Lorelai: Okay, anything else to discuss before we wrap it up here?
Michel: Yes. We have a problem with some honor bar discrepancies. For the past few weeks, after I have checked a room and found the honor bar intact, the next day, Toblerones are missing.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: Only Toblerones, and only in certain rooms. I think we have thieves.
Lorelai: Or guests.
Michel: No, these are not the guests. The disappearances are happening in rooms no one is staying in. I think we have thieves and it's obviously an inside job. This person is waiting until I've made my rounds.
They're waiting until I've checked my list, 'till I initial my list, and only then do they steal the Toblerones.
Lorelai: Maybe you counted wrong.
Michel: I say we install surveillance cameras, fingerprint the staff, run the prints through the FBI and have mandatory searches before they leave at the end of their shift.
Lorelai: Oh, well, that sounds great. Everybody drop your pants for Michel before you leave. Meeting adjourned.

Luke: Watching T.V. in bed screws up your REM sleep.
Lorelai: But Charlie Rose, Jon Stewart, Pink Lady and Jeff?
Luke: All screw up your REM sleep.
Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell and they're going to pass a law where everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. And suddenly, you're depressed thinking we're all going to die. And don't drink the water. "And there's anthrax in my bagel." And bam, there goes your REM sleep.
Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."
Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.

Lorelai: Oh, I'm desperate for those mats.
Michel: I had been working on the mats but you asked me to shovel the snow. And now I have a blister, a muscle spasm and a neck crick and I have a date tonight, and a crick will cramp my kissing move.
Lorelai: Well, I appreciate your effort.
Michel: Are you being sarcastic?
Lorelai: Just a tiny bit.
Michel: You know that I am light-boned and cannot take physical exertion. I work with my mind.

Kirk: How often do you slip in your tub?
Lorelai: Never.
Kirk: Okay, it doesn't work if you answer like that, so-
Lorelai: Constantly. I never stop slipping even when I get out.
Kirk: I thought so. Then my new line of bath and shower adhesive decals are for you.
Lorelai: Huh. "Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow."
Kirk: Yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
Lorelai: Well, Kirk this looks very impressive. And wow, very expensive.
Kirk: Well, it's yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
Lorelai: Hmm. Well, why don't you leave the catalog with me and I'll look it over?
Kirk: Could you look at it now? It's the only one I have.
Lorelai: Okay.
Kirk: I like that one. If you put the fishes faces together it looks like they're kissing.

Lorelai: Okay, so you know what's great about this country?
Luke: Nope.
Lorelai: If you try hard enough, you can eventually find a showing of St. Elmo's Fire on the big screen.
Luke: Yes, that's what gets us the good seats at the summits.
Lorelai: Come on! Admit it! Rob Lowe pretending to play the saxophone was incredibly hot.
Luke: Oh, I admit it.
Lorelai: And, also, Andrew McCarthy at his best, though Less Than Zero runs a very close second.
Luke: I'm sure it does.
Lorelai: You hated the movie!
Luke: Although, I love the fact that it got me out of a town meeting, so... all in all, a very successful evening.

Lorelai: She was so serious. You know how she gets really serious, like when she saw The Way We Were and she couldn't believe that Hubbell was going to leave Katie after she had the baby?
Sookie: Oh, I remember. She talked about it for weeks.
Lorelai: "How could he do that? She was the only one who cared about the blacklisting. She was the only one who thought he could write a novel." On and on and on. That's the face she had on today.

Lorelai: Sookie! Honey, what's wrong?
Sookie: [sobs] I just- It's just- It's just so sad! Ugh!
Lorelai: People magazine! Jackson, you know we don't allow soft human interest stories around Sookie when she's pregnant!
Jackson: She must have snuck it in!
Sookie: I just felt like they were perfect for each other, you know?
Lorelai: Uh-huh. Who, honey?
Sookie: The two of them! The one with the hair, and the teeth, and the... you know!
Jackson: Who's got hair and teeth?
Sookie: And the Divine Brown thing that happened, and bammo! Their loves in the toilet!
Lorelai: We're talking Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant.

Luke: [on the phone] And he wants to shave me.
Lorelai: Shave what?
Luke: I don't know, he just kept talking about shaving me, and I'm tipsy. We hit the club bar, and I didn't want to sound dumb and just order a beer because it's nitwit juice, so I had what your dad was having which was whiskey something, more whiskey than something, let me tell you, 'cause I can't even see straight.
Lorelai: Aw, you poor thing.
Luke: And I've got an art dealer now.
Lorelai: No!
Luke: I'm driving to Manhattan next week to look at some Diebenkorns. What's a Diebenkorn?
Lorelai: I don't know.
Luke: Oh, and I bought some golf clubs, they cost the same as a car.