TV Quotes

Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.

Lane: [on the phone] Need I mention the rock 'n' roll casualties from intra-band dating?
Rory: I know they're numerous.
Lane: Not that there's not success stories. I mean, you've got your Cramps, your Yo La Tengo, your Kim and Thurstons.
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Early Years.
Lane: Plus, you've got bands that have survived breakups, No Doubt.
Rory: Wish they hadn't.
Lane: X, Supertramp, The White Stripes. But in the negative, you have...
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Later Years.
Lane: Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. I know of two country music stars whose backup singers shot them in the groin.
Rory: Whoa. That's wicked hate.

Rory: Ready?
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."

Emily: It's like a canoe.
Lorelai: What's like a canoe?
Emily: Life.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: You're just paddling along in a canoe.
Lorelai: Mother, have you ever been in a canoe?
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Well, I just can't picture you in a canoe.
Emily: Your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years. Only now, he's dropped the paddle. He just dropped it. Not only that, but now the canoe is going in circles. Without your father there, I'm paddling on my side and the canoe is spinning in circles, and the harder I paddle, the faster it spins, and it's hard work, and I'm getting tired.

Lorelai: I don't want the whole night to be about Luke.
Rory: It won't be. Don't worry. Just put it out there, and then when they attack you, whatever angle they're coming from, I will deflect.
Lorelai: How will you deflect?
Rory: Well, I don't know. Maybe I will talk about Bangalore.
Lorelai: You know a lot about Bangalore?
Rory: Don't you? Bangalore? Outsourcing? You know, when you call customer service, you're almost always talking to some nice dude in India who speaks perfect English. Don't you read Time magazine?
Lorelai: It doesn't seem like a rich subject area.

Lorelai: Here we go.
Emily: What is this?
Lorelai: This is my car.
Emily: We can't go in this. We have to take the other car.
Lorelai: What other car? No, Mom, that's not a car. That's a rap-video set.
Emily: I ordered it specially. It has the darkest windows available. They say it's the car Jay-Z uses when he's in town. I assume that's an entertainer of some sort. The windows are bulletproof. They kept saying that as if it's a selling point. I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years.

Rory: I'm sure he panicked. I'm sure his not telling you says nothing about your relationship. Maybe this is a cheesy perspective to offer you, but Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went through the same sort of situation. He found out he had a kid that he didn't know about, but they made it work as far as I know.
Lorelai: Meaning?
Rory: If they can, you can.
Lorelai: Really?
Rory: They're people. You're people. I mean, you don't sing and neither does Luke. But really, neither do Gwen or Gavin, but they're still together I think. I haven't read anything to the contrary.
Lorelai: I guess.
Rory: You and Luke just need to talk some more.
Lorelai: Yeah. Maybe I'll tell Luke about Gwen and Gavin. I mean, if there's any people whose lives Luke would relate to, it's Gwen and Gavin.

Rory: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! I accidentally forgot to turn in my community-service vest.
Lorelai: So?
Rory: So this vest belongs to the state. I have now stolen state property. They're gonna give me community service for stealing my community-service vest.

Paris: Rory, I clocked in.
Rory: Cool.
Paris: They gave me this card, and it had my name on it. And I shoved it in the clock thing, and it made the punchy sound, and I'm officially on the job.
Rory: Great.
Paris: And I'm prepared, too. I was a little nervous last night about making small talk with co-workers, so I went to the video store and rented Working Girl and the first season of Just Shoot Me! Got a couple of Wendie Malick bon mots that have already come in handy.

Lorelai: Look, Mom, I was mad at you when I did the interview, okay? And I said things but I didn't mean them, it just happened. And I'm not used to talking to reporters. I didn't know about the whole "off the record, on the record" thing. But I know now. And I'm really sorry it happened.
Emily: I did not force Jimmy Carter out of his room at that hotel.
Lorelai: See, now that I thought was just an amusing anecdote.
Emily: I did not get into a, quote, "bitch-fight" with him. He's an ex-president! It was with that insufferable Rosalyn.