Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.

Lane: [on the phone] Need I mention the rock 'n' roll casualties from intra-band dating?
Rory: I know they're numerous.
Lane: Not that there's not success stories. I mean, you've got your Cramps, your Yo La Tengo, your Kim and Thurstons.
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Early Years.
Lane: Plus, you've got bands that have survived breakups, No Doubt.
Rory: Wish they hadn't.
Lane: X, Supertramp, The White Stripes. But in the negative, you have...
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Later Years.
Lane: Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. I know of two country music stars whose backup singers shot them in the groin.
Rory: Whoa. That's wicked hate.

Lorelai: [on the phone] What do you look like. Do you look the same?
Rory: Hold on. My nose ring is itching.
Lorelai: Don't kid. I'm mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead.
Rory: So, where'd they land?
Lorelai: John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking.

Emily: You know what? I'm not returning the gift. I'm going to put it away in a closet and you won't know what it is until you do get married someday.
Lorelai: Tell me now.
Emily: Sorry.
Lorelai: Come on, I may never get married. I may be a free spirit my whole life or I'll fall in love with a separated Catholic guy like Katharine Hepburn did and then not get to go to his funeral when he dies.

Emily: I just wanna know what you were thinking. What was the reasoning? How on earth did you justify it to yourself?
Lorelai: Max is a great guy. An amazing guy. He's smart. He's sweet. He cooks.
Emily: So you decided to kiss him in your daughter's school.
Lorelai: No, I decided to break up with him in my daughter's school and the kissing part just happened.
Emily: You always let your emotions get in the way. That's the problem with you, Lorelai. You don't think.
Lorelai: Mom, please.
Emily: He's just a man, Lorelai.
Lorelai: No, he's not.
Emily: Oh, so, what are you telling me? This was all worth it because he was the love of your life? That this was the man for you?
Lorelai: I don't know. He might have been. Excuse me.

Lorelai: How late can you stay, Sookie?
Sookie: As late as you want. Davey's with his grandparents, and Jackson's sleeping with the zucchini tonight.
Lorelai: What's that, farm jargon?
Sookie: No, he's sleeping with the zucchini.
Lorelai: But what does that mean, sleeping with the zucchini?
Sookie: It means he's sleeping with the zucchini.
Lorelai: Sookie, fill me in here. Where's Jackson?
Sookie: Well, he checked the forecast today, and there's a potential cold front coming in from Canada, and he knows how important the zucchini is for opening day menu, so...
Lorelai: Are you saying that "sleeping with the zucchini" means...
Sookie: He's sleeping with the zucchini.

Lorelai: So, apparently, I am now the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: Huh. I guess you are.
Lorelai: It's a lot of responsibility.
Rory: Well, sure.
Lorelai: I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays - declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets - but now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp.
Rory: Neat. And coins.
Lorelai: Yeah and coins. You know, someday you'll be the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: I don't like that idea.
Lorelai: Why not? You get a cape.
Rory: Because if I'm the reigning Lorelai, that means you'll be gone.
Lorelai: Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not gonna pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture.
Rory: I am scared of horses.
Lorelai: I know that.
Rory: So, there's a cape, huh?

Emily: It's like a canoe.
Lorelai: What's like a canoe?
Emily: Life.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: You're just paddling along in a canoe.
Lorelai: Mother, have you ever been in a canoe?
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Well, I just can't picture you in a canoe.
Emily: Your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years. Only now, he's dropped the paddle. He just dropped it. Not only that, but now the canoe is going in circles. Without your father there, I'm paddling on my side and the canoe is spinning in circles, and the harder I paddle, the faster it spins, and it's hard work, and I'm getting tired.

Police Officer: You were on a cellphone, ma'am.
Emily: I don't see how that's your concern. Do my bills go to your office?
Police Officer: It is illegal in Connecticut to talk on a cellphone while operating a vehicle.
Emily: Well, that is absurd. I can't talk on my own phone in my own car?
Police Officer: License and registration, ma'am.
Emily: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee and drive, I can talk on a cellphone. Or is coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose. That would certainly cut down on accidents.
Police Officer: Ma'am, have you been drinking?
Emily: What? No! This is outrageous. You know, right now, someone is robbing a Kwik-e-mart, and you're standing there harassing me.
Police Officer: I'm going to need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me.
Emily: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can say with absolute certainty it won't be going anywhere near my mouth.

Lorelai: I don't want the whole night to be about Luke.
Rory: It won't be. Don't worry. Just put it out there, and then when they attack you, whatever angle they're coming from, I will deflect.
Lorelai: How will you deflect?
Rory: Well, I don't know. Maybe I will talk about Bangalore.
Lorelai: You know a lot about Bangalore?
Rory: Don't you? Bangalore? Outsourcing? You know, when you call customer service, you're almost always talking to some nice dude in India who speaks perfect English. Don't you read Time magazine?
Lorelai: It doesn't seem like a rich subject area.