Lorelai: Come on, babe. You'll feel better about halfway home.
Luke: Good.
Lorelai: Then the eye-popping nausea will hit you. The rich food mixes with the bitter memories and it all gets worse, and then it gets better.
Luke: Good.
Lorelai: Until you get to Route 44, and then you hit bottom.
Luke: Good. Great.
Lorelai: I'll be ready with a tongue depressor to keep you from swallowing your tongue. I keep them in my purse. Step up.

Lorelai: I wasn't hiding it.
Emily: You jumped on Rory when you thought she told me. You were hiding it.
Rory: She did not jump on me, Grandma.
Lorelai: Yeah, and I wasn't hiding it. The only reason I reacted to Kirk the way that I did is that he's not in this world, he's in my other world. It's as if I, out of the blue, told you I was having tea with Mrs. Van Uppity.
Emily: Who?
Lorelai: Hortense Van Uppity, tight bun, lace collar, tiny poodle fictional friend?

Lorelai: It's a beautiful one and a half mile hike, there's a waterfall around this bend here, and over here are some of the oldest birch trees in the area, a rare butterfly nature preserve is off to the right here. Oh, excuse me. Michel, would you take over?
Michel: Oh, yes. Of course. Okay, so over here, by this semi-polluted brook, you will find large scary spiders and a fascinating display of poison ivy.

Lorelai: What are you doing?
Sookie: She's taking my lunches away.
Lorelai: She's trying to help us.
Sookie: This is all Norman Mailer's fault. He just sits around, ordering nothing and yammering on and on and on. I mean, so he was married to Marilyn Monroe. Who wasn't?
Lorelai: That was Arthur Miller.
Sookie: I'm going to kick him and pinch his nose.

Lorelai: Norman Mailer's back, for the third time this week!
Sookie: Yep, sure is.
Lorelai: This is so exciting. I've got to call and tell Rory. You know, she read The Naked and the Dead while she was still wearing footsie pajamas.
Sookie: Chicken's burning!
Lorelai: Oh, this is our first step on the road to being Solon. I mean, as soon as word gets out that Norman Mailer is having lunch at the Dragonfly, it's just a matter of time before the rest of the literati comes sweeping in.
Sookie: Sounds great.
Lorelai: Well, of course, we'll have to keep Gore Vidal on the other side of the room, but, you know, probably Gabriel Garcia Marquez will run interference for us.

Kirk: How are we all doing tonight?
Lorelai: Good, Kirk. How are you?
Kirk: Good, I'm Kirk. I'm very proud to announce that tonight's feature presentation is the classic Cool Hand Luke. [Lorelai & Rory cheer] But I'm deeply sorry to report that the first reel of the movie inexplicably caught fire earlier this evening.
Rory: Oh, no!
Lorelai: That's what happens when Richard Pryor is your projectionist.
Kirk: I can still show you the film, but you'd miss the first 25 minutes. I'd be happy to recap what you'd miss, or even act it out for you. I must say, I do a wicked George Kennedy.

Richard: I'm sorry about the mess. My man is with his sick mother, and I'm kind of left in the lurch here.
Lorelai: Ah, your Lurch left you in the lurch. Hey, is that where that's from? You know, Lurch on the Addams Family? 'Cause he would leave people in the lurch?
Lorelai: I'm not familiar with the etymology of Lurch.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Why didn't you mention this to Mom at dinner? Maybe she would have been less panicked about what he's doing and the now-infamous glitter vest.
Rory: I don't want to open a can of worms.
Lorelai: How would that open up a can of worms?
Rory: If I told her what I said, I'd have to tell her I had lunch with him, a lunch I had previously not informed her of and that would have made her jealous and defensive. The less you tell Grandma, the better.
Lorelai: [gasps] By George, I think she's got it.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: I have been trying to burn that into your brain since you were a baby, but you stubbornly resisted. Now a breakthrough.

Luke: You were never supposed to tip me, anyway.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: I'm the proprietor. You're not supposed to tip the proprietor, even when they serve you.
Lorelai: You mean all those years, that extra 20% was unnecessary?
Luke: You never tipped me 20%.
Lorelai: Ooh. Now it's getting ugly.
Luke: You were a solid 15 percenter, sometimes less if the bill got higher. Way less if you were mad at me about something.
Lorelai: Well, it doesn't matter. I wasn't supposed to be tipping you, anyway.

Kirk: Oh, there you are. You won't believe it. Big news.
Lorelai: Kirk, sit down.
Kirk: Can't. These aren't my pants. I have the results of my latest poll. I talked to every single person in town, and unanimously, they're all voting for Jackson.
Sookie: What?
Jackson: Are you sure?
Kirk: I am sure. I talked to everyone except Taylor - but I assumed he was voting for himself - and they all told me the same thing.
Sookie: We're going to win? I'm gonna be the first town selectman lady.
Jackson: I can't believe it.
Lorelai: Kirk, you're sure about this? Every single person?
Kirk: Every person except Taylor. And even that's not a lock, 'cause hatred for Taylor runs very deep.