Paris: I packed my bags and was on the road before I remembered that parents don't own property in the United States anymore.
Rory: Since when?
Paris: Since the IRS red-foxed my father. The place in Asylum Hill, the Nantucket cottage - even the crack-house in Harlem that we converted into a co-op was sold to one of the Queer Eye guys.
Rory: Where'd they go?
Paris: They're going to wire me when they're safe.

Sandra: That's what you feel here. Support, family, homeyness, warmth. It must reflect your upbringing. [Lorelai scoffs] No?
Lorelai: I am just happy I wasn't sipping coffee when you said that, it would have come out my nose.
Sandra: Oh. Childhood wasn't so warm and fuzzy?
Lorelai: You know Superman's fortress of solitude? A Jamaican beach, compared to my mother's house.
Sandra: So I'll cross your mother off your list of inspirations.
Lorelai: No, I actually did pick up some valuable lessons on running a staff from my mother.
Sandra: How so?
Lorelai: Well, I consider what my mother would do in a given situation, then I dial it back, and I have what Mussolini would do, then I dial it back, and I have what Stalin would do, and then I dial that back and then it starts approaching what a sane person would do.
Sandra: [laughs] Ouch.
Lorelai: You're right. Let's find a topic happier than my relationship with my mother. Basically that would be anything short of famine. [Sandra laughs] Okay. I will tell you one story about my mother on a family vacation. Jimmy Carter was there. And he had a bigger room...

Lane: So, Sophie Bloom. Your last name's Bloom.
Sophie Bloom: Thanks for the info.
Lane: I was looking through some old vinyl I have. I don't have much, because I was born right on the cusp of the CD revolution. But I originally had a record player. A Snoopy record player. Boy, I love this record player. And shutting my door and listening to music on it-
Sophie Bloom: Oh, my God, Garrison Keillor, what is your point?
Lane: I saw the name "Sophie Bloom" on this album - the one non-Christian one my mother allowed me to have. It just popped out at me and I was wondering...
Sophie Bloom: Oh, this thing.
Lane: So, it's you. You wrote these songs?
Sophie Bloom: Long time ago.
Lane: I think this is amazing! Because I want to do more than just drum. I would like to write and compose and I was wondering if we could sit down sometime and just talk about music, because I think you have so much you can pass on to me. Woman to woman. Really, just coffee sometime. My treat.
Sophie Bloom: Well, I suppose sometime when I'm not working or out of town, if my boyfriend's busy and my laundry's done, and I'm not sick and there's nothing on TV, we could maybe meet up for a couple of minutes.
Lane: It's a date.

Lorelai: Okay, floor looks good, table looks good. Hey, what happened to our books?
Sookie: What do you mean?
Lorelai: All our beautiful, leather-bound books. Jonathon Swift, Edith Wharton, Charles Dickens. A lot of them are gone.
Sookie: The guests must have swiped 'em.
Lorelai: They swiped Jonathon Swift and left me with Clifford, the Big Red Dog and five copies of He's Just Not That Into You.
Sookie: We've been airplane booked.

Lorelai: Wow, did you see that?
Luke: You know, if someone opened a store in this town selling giant butterfly nets, they'd make a fortune.
Lorelai: Come on, the crazy need love too.

Lane: I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it.
Rory: It's okay.
Lane: How did this happen? I started listening to rock music when I was seven years old. I snuck makeup on at school. I managed to join a band without anyone knowing. I had a boyfriend who my mother thought was a Christian guitarist. And I ate spicy condiments like they were going out of style.
Rory: Lane.
Lane: I drank soda, ate hamburgers, wore jewelry, I danced.
Rory: Not very well.
Lane: Hey, any skill level's a sin. And then I moved out and I lived with two guys. I mean, nothing else stuck. Nothing. So why this?
Rory: It's a mystery.
Lane: Why couldn't the gluten-free thing stick? I could've lived with that. Or the not dancing thing.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Hey, Luke, it's me. I know I'm not supposed to be calling, but I am not doing really great right now, and - I was just wondering, if, do you remember in The Way We Were, how Katie and Hubbell broke up because his friends were joking and laughing, and the president had just died, and she yelled at them and he was mad and he was going out to Hollywood, and, I mean, which she hated, and and he broke up with her and she was really... upset. And she called him and asked him if he would come over and sit with her because he was her best friend and she needed her best friend, and he did. And and they talked all night, and they went out to Hollywood, which was a disaster, but it was good at first. With the boat, and uh and putting the books away. I've seen this movie a lot, so if you don't remember the putting the books away scene, don't feel stupid or anything. I was just sitting here thinking about it, because I, um, I'm in my house, and I was just, uh... Could... please come over. I- Please. I really need to see you and talk to you, and please come over. Please. Come- [hangs up] Oh, my God.

Michel: Wait, twelve? I thought there were six. Six little girls.
Lorelai: Six girls and their six dolls.
Michel: I beg your pardon?
Lorelai: This is a pancake breakfast for the girls and their dolls.
Michel: Get out of town.
Lorelai: I thought you knew that.
Michel: Dolls, as in they don't have stomachs, lungs or spleens? And we are serving them breakfast?
Lorelai: That's right.
Michel: Teeth? Throat? Colons? They don't have these things either? Unless they are Brides of Chucky.
Lorelai: I'm not paying attention to you anymore.

Richard: On behalf of myself and my second wife, Emily, I would like to thank you all for coming here to help us celebrate. You are good friends, and we are very, very lucky. Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe. I went over all the greats: Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry, and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long. We couldn't keep a nanny longer than a week.
Lorelai: Yeah, that was the terrible part. The searing pain was just a side note.
Richard: And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily's favorite. Of course, it drove me crazy. Some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, "If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song." Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song. Hit the button, Johnny. Your hand, madam.
Emily: I cannot believe you remembered this song.

Lorelai: I thought you were going to spend the evening trying to figure out how to fling yourself down the stairs just hard enough that you won't have to go to my parents' thing tomorrow, but not so hard that you actually die.
Luke: No, I thought instead that I'd try to find a wild boar to maul me just enough that I'll need medical attention so I won't be able to go to your parents' thing tomorrow, but after some stitches and a transfusion, I'll still be able to make you coffee.
Lorelai: Oh, much better plan.