Jess: That's good.
Rory: What?
Jess: Your snowman. Snowwoman, actually.
Rory: You know which one's ours?
Jess: It definitely has the most personality. Kind of looks like Bjork.
Rory: That's what we were going for. But everyone thinks the one on the end will be the winner.
Jess: Really? It's so overdone.
Rory: I agree.
Jess: You should win.
Rory: No argument.

Paris: Hey, where did he come from? What's up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got a little cathouse up there?
Jess: Wow, I think she got you, Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
Luke: Do not add to this insanity.
Jess: An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.
Luke: Jess.
Jess: I want to be good. Life's just not letting me.
Luke: Rory, get her out of here.
Rory: Okay. Let's go.
Paris: Why do you need me to leave? What have you got to hide?

Jess: I see you brought a little something, too. Is that ice cream? That's so nice. A tiny little ice-cream package just big enough for two. Hey, are you guys gonna feed each other? 'Cause that's just so darn cute. Oh. You're doing that towering-over-me thing. I tell you, you've really got that down. It helps that you're 12 feet tall. But this Frankenstein scowl really adds to the whole-
Rory: Jess!
Jess: Okay, I'm going. Look, man, I really was just dropping off some food so don't get all West Side Story on me, okay?

Jess: What do you want from me? You bring me here, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six languages, two of which I've never heard of! You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?
Luke: I'm trying to help you!
Jess: Stop trying! Stop talking to me, stop following me, stop asking me questions! Just stop!
Luke: That's what you want? That's really what you want?
Jess: Yes.
Luke: Fine! You got it!
Jess: Thank you.
[As Luke and Jess both walk off down the path across the lake, Luke shoves Jess into the lake]

Jess: I just wanted to put some notes in the margins.
Rory: What? You've read this before.
Jess: About 40 times.
Rory: I thought you said you didn't read much.
Jess: Well, what is much? Goodnight, Rory.
Rory: Goodnight, Dodger.
Jess: Dodger?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.

[Jess starts wiping down the counter while wearing an oversized plaid shirt and a backwards baseball cap]
Luke: What do you think you're doing?
Jess: Working.
Luke: So you think this is funny, huh?
Jess: I'm sorry, I thought this was the uniform.
Luke: You know what? That's fine. Have your little joke. Doesn't bother me at all. You just go over there and clean off that table. I'm ignoring you. You do not exist. [Jess starts cleaning a table] Okay. That's it. Get upstairs and change.
Jess: Whatever you say, Uncle Luke.
Luke: It's Luke. Just Luke. Mr. Luke. In fact, don't address me at all!

Jess: This whole town is weird and full of jerks.
Rory: Then why are you still here?
Jess: What do you mean?
Rory: I mean, schooI's out. And you don't like it here, so why don't you just go home?
Jess: My mom didn't want me to.
Rory: I don't believe that.
Jess: That's your right, I guess.
Rory: Did Luke say she didn't want you to?
Jess: Luke told me it was his idea that I should stay. It wasn't his idea.

Jess: Nice picture.
Rory: Gee, thanks.
Jess: You're very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, they'd probably make you mayor.
Rory: This is ridiculous.
Jess: I don't know. I think you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanan, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.

Rory: On the bridge? That's where we're going to eat?
Jess: Yep.
Rory: Okay.
Jess: I like this place.
Rory: Wow, a place in Stars Hollow you actually like. I'm stunned.
Jess: It's got some good memories. See right over there?
Rory: Yep.
Jess: That's where Luke pushed me in.
Rory: That's nice.
Jess: It is.

Rory: So why'd you do it?
Jackson: Do what?
Rory: Outbid Dean like that.
Jackson: I don't know. I guess it started as a joke just to bug him, but then he just got so mad, you know, and he's so tall, and I just was looking at him and he's standing there all tall and mad, and I just don't know...- it was really funny.
Rory: It wasn't funny.
Jackson: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't intend to do it. Does that make you feel any better?
Rory: I just don't want to be in a fight with Dean.
Jackson: I'm sorry about that. You want to push me in the lake? It's cathartic, I hear.
Rory: Maybe in a little bit.
Jackson: Whenever.