Lane: Well, I found the greatest record store in the world. It's 10 minutes from your school. And I'm wondering how much you love me?
Rory: Address?
Lane: Record Breaker Incorporated, 2453 Berlin Turnpike.
Rory: Got it. Place your order now.
Lane: Yes. Okay. Charles Mingus, The Black Saint And The Sinner Lady. The Sonics, Here Are the Sonics.
Rory: Burn me a copy. Next.
Lane: MC5, Kick Out The Jams. Fairport Convention, Liege & Lief. Bee Gees, Odessa.
Rory: Bee Gees, really?
Lane: Well, Mojo says...
Rory: So it must be true.
Lane: That's it. Now, if I could just find a copy of Whistler, Chaucer, Detroit and Greenhill, I will finally be done with the '60s.

Paris: Problem, Miss Gilmore?
Rory: No. No problem at all. I love this assignment.
Paris: I'm glad.
Rory: I'm going to write the greatest piece on pavement you've ever read.
Paris: I hope so.
Rory: And next week, when you give me the scoop on the new copper-plumbing installation, I'm going to be just as thrilled.
Paris: I like a team player.
Rory: And no matter how many crappy, stupid, useless assignments you throw at me, I'm not going to quit, and I'm not going to back down. So you can go home tonight and think about the fact that no matter what you do and no matter how evil you are, at the end of the year, on my high school transcript it will say that I worked on the Franklin. So, if you'll excuse me, I have some reading to do on the origins of concrete.
Paris: A thousand words on my desk on Tuesday.

Madeline: Hey, Paris, what do you think about me writing a gossip column for the Franklin?
Paris: Huh. I don't know. That's a hard one. I mean, this is the Franklin, a newspaper that's been around for almost 100 years. There have been at least ten former editors of the Franklin that have gone to the New York Times. Six have gone on to the Washington Post. Three are contributing editors at the New Yorker. I think one even went on to win the Pulitzer prize. But never mind them. I could be the first editor in the history of the Franklin to introduce a column exclusively devoted to who Biffy's boffing today. Quandary. You know, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one.
Madeline: Okay.

Rory: So what, we're never going to go into Luke's again? We're just going to starve?
Lorelai: Rory, this was a bad one. This was not Nick and Nora. This was Sid and Nancy. I'm not going in there.
Rory: But the coffee is in there and it's Danish day. Are you seriously telling me you'll let a fight get in the way of Danish day?
Lorelai: No, I'm not.
Rory: Good.
Lorelai: So go in there and order two coffees and two Danishes to go.

Luke: Okay. We got the patch, the gum, hypnosis tapes, Chinese herbs, self-help books and several pictures of diseased lungs to hang on the fridge. Pretty, huh? This is done.
Jess: Hey.
Luke: You will get up, you will go to school, you will come home. You will work in the diner until closing, you will do your homework and then you will go to bed. Where's the gnome?
Jess: What?
Luke: Weekends are for chores and selected pre-approved outings, i.e. Kabala studies, freeway beautification projects, Color Me Mine pottery painting, all discussable options. You will not steal. You will pay back Taylor Doose, you will graduate from high school, and you will return Pierpon to his yard.
Jess: You can't just-
Luke: I can just. I am not letting you fall off the face of the earth. You will not drift. I won't let it happen. Now, I don't know if this is the right way but this is the way it's being handled and that, my friend, is the end of this discussion. Where are you going?
Jess: Out.
Luke: Well, at least I asked.

Jess: What do you want from me? You bring me here, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six languages, two of which I've never heard of! You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?
Luke: I'm trying to help you!
Jess: Stop trying! Stop talking to me, stop following me, stop asking me questions! Just stop!
Luke: That's what you want? That's really what you want?
Jess: Yes.
Luke: Fine! You got it!
Jess: Thank you.
[As Luke and Jess both walk off down the path across the lake, Luke shoves Jess into the lake]

Rory: Hey.
Lorelai: I am getting doughnuts for later. As soon as I do, I'll take you to school and nice men in white coats will pick you up.

Lorelai: What kind of trouble has he gotten into?
Luke: Just kid stuff. You know, staying out late, getting rowdy. I don't know exactly.
Lorelai: Well, you might want to find out. Ask a couple of subtle questions. Like, has he seen The Shawshank Redemption? Did the setting seem homey to him? Stuff like that.

Paris: Okay, so we were just finishing up handing out the first assignments. Rory, unfortunately, since you got here so late everything of interest has been given out.
Rory: Why, I'm shocked.
Paris: Wait. Wait, just let me check my list here. There might be something left for you. Okay, well, here. They're paving the new parking lot tomorrow.
Rory: And?
Paris: You can cover it.
Rory: Cover what?
Paris: The paving process.
Rory: You're serious?
Paris: Absolutely. I'm sure there's an angle somewhere. "Is it environmentally safe?" "What are the financial ramifications?" "Should brick have been considered, especially taking into account the architecture of the building?"
Rory: Yeah, yeah, I get the idea.

Lorelai: But, Luke, he's new in town. He doesn't know his way around yet.
Luke: Way around what? This is Stars Hollow. You take three left turns and you're back in the center of town.