Dean: But, hey, since you are here, come.
Rory: Come?
Dean: To my wedding. Come to my wedding.
Rory: Oh, Dean-
Dean: You and Lorelai, I want you to.
Rory: Well-
Dean: Chicken or beef?
Rory: What?
Dean: Wait, beef. Of course, beef. I mean, the two of you are definitely beef. I mean, not like you resemble beef or anything.

Kirk: I swear, they told me it would be self-explanatory. I just had to get in the main box, and in seconds, this thing would be disabled. They didn't tell me that I needed a key or that if I didn't have a key, that I would be mildly electrocuted, and then, after all that, when I got in the box, there's nothing self-explanatory about it.
Lorelai: Kirk.
Kirk: I was trying to do a nice thing.
Lorelai: I know.
Kirk: And Jimmy said he would install it for me because I do not have those skills yet. The class was full by the time I got there.
Lorelai: That's okay.
Kirk: Damn my constant tardiness.

Lorelai: Kirk, please, what can we do right now? The alarm is just so loud.
Kirk: Yeah, that's my fault, too. I asked Jimmy to really crank it up.
Lorelai: Well, he did.
Kirk: If you're gonna have an alarm, you need it loud. You don't want some crazed, knife-wielding gunman at your throat and the neighbors are going, like, "Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know, "Hey, that's an alarm."
Lorelai: Your imaginary attacker has a knife and a gun?
Kirk: And a really dirty tank top.

Michel: [into headset] You have reservations at Tamtam at 7:00. Do not order the duck because it will take forever and you will miss the curtain. If you have any problems at all, you have my pager number. Just call me. Goodbye. [to Lorelai and Sookie] Well, look who the cat dragged in.
Lorelai: Hi, Michel. We've missed you.
Michel: Yes? Well, I have missed you, too.
Lorelai: This place is wonderful.
Sookie: You look so important, walking around, talking to yourself. But you're not really talking to yourself. You're actually talking to someone else in a headset with your headset.
Lorelai: How are you?
Michel: Me? I am wonderful, and yourselves?
Lorelai: We're great, and we're breaking ground on the inn on Monday.
Michel: Oh, yes. Is that still happening?
Lorelai: It is still happening.
Michel: Well, that's lovely. [into headset] There's a small charge for the use of the internet. All instructions are in the minibar. [to Lorelai and Sookie] I'm so pleased.

Lorelai: Listen, Michel, I know you're a little upset with me.
Michel: Upset? I don't think so.
Sookie: It's okay, I told her about the call.
Michel: What call?
Sookie: The call you made to me yesterday, the one where you told me that you called Lorelai and she didn't call back.
Michel: I make so many calls.
Sookie: The one where you cried.
Michel: Are you sure it wasn't another Michel?
Sookie: You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and by the time I got back, they were all gay.

Lorelai: We just want you to know if there was any misunderstanding about wanting you to come with us to the Dragonfly, well, we're sorry.
Sookie: I'm not.
Michel: Well, that's very sweet of you to say.
Lorelai: Thank you. Unless you don't want to come with us. I mean, this place is very impressive, and I would understand if you didn't want to leave.
Michel: Yes, this place is impressive, isn't it? I mean, the uniform alone, like working in your jammies. And these headsets, are they not fabulous? Especially when, for example, you're in the bathroom, a place one would normally choose to be alone, then suddenly, bang, someone is yakking in your ear. How delightful. You can never get lonely.
Lorelai: I suppose not.
Michel: And the people who work here a joy. So young, so talented. Some of them are actors in ambitious off-Broadway revues. They play cockroaches and derelicts and do Shakespeare dressed like punk rockers. It gives me chills just thinking about it. [into headset] Yes, extra towels are complimentary, Matthew, and stop asking me who the hottie I'm talking to is. [to Lorelai and Sookie] I'll tell you what, I'll think about it and get back to you, okay?
Lorelai: Nice to have you aboard, Michel.
Michel: I'm busy, go. [to himself] Thank God.

Lorelai: Remember in The Godfather, Michael telling Sonny how he was gonna kill Tattaglia and Captain McCluskey in that Italian restaurant? He lays out the whole thing very calmly, very unemotionally, 'cause that's what you do in business.
Rory: Yeah, but then he went and shot two guys in the head.
Lorelai: Okay, but I wasn't describing that scene.

Sookie: I think I'm gonna give birth just out of boredom.

Kirk: [on the phone] I responded to the activation of an alarm at your residence, and I apprehended a prowler in the garage.
Lorelai: You did?
Kirk: Yes, ma'am. Female, approximately eighteen years old, Korean.
Lorelai: Kirk, that's Lane. You know Lane.
Kirk: I thought I knew Lane, but now I think she's in some kind of gang.
Lane: Lorelai, help.
Kirk: Their front is some sort of musical group.
Lorelai: They are a musical group, Kirk. [to Rory] Honey, go sort it out.
Rory: Got it.
Lorelai: Rory's on her way over. Brown hair, blue eyes, about 5'6". Don't cuff her.
Kirk: 10-4.

Lorelai: No, no, the porch is not historical, Taylor. It was added in 1980.
Taylor Doose: So?
Lorelai: So it's a 23-year-old porch. Unless you think Kate Hudson is historical, it's not historical.