Kirk Quote #78

Quote from Kirk in Chicken or Beef?

Kirk: I swear, they told me it would be self-explanatory. I just had to get in the main box, and in seconds, this thing would be disabled. They didn't tell me that I needed a key or that if I didn't have a key, that I would be mildly electrocuted, and then, after all that, when I got in the box, there's nothing self-explanatory about it.
Lorelai: Kirk.
Kirk: I was trying to do a nice thing.
Lorelai: I know.
Kirk: And Jimmy said he would install it for me because I do not have those skills yet. The class was full by the time I got there.
Lorelai: That's okay.
Kirk: Damn my constant tardiness.

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 ‘Chicken or Beef?’ Quotes

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: I've had a business epiphany. It's like I'm Bud Fox, saying, "Thanks for the lesson, Mr. Gekko."
Luke: This will pass, folks.
Lorelai: The Lorelai you knew is dead. Remember her? The eager to please, fresh of face? She thought that success in business meant working hard, applying yourself, and respecting your coworkers, and she preached that to others. Oh, little child.
Luke: You should probably get some rest.
Lorelai: It's about scratching backs, my friend, and kissing things. I won't be graphic.
Luke: It is Sunday morning.
Lorelai: It's dirty, that's what business is. It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches. And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast muppet. You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap. The meek shall not inherit the earth!
Luke: Thanks for the perspective.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Please, there is no fate.
Lorelai: What do you mean there is no fate? Of course there is fate.
Luke: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm. Tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis, and the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
Lorelai: I totally knew you were gonna say that.
Luke: I came over here. My fault.
Lorelai: I read your mind. It spoke to me. We're psychic.
Luke: Enjoy the fries.

 Kirk Gleason Quotes

Quote from Blame Booze and Melville

Kirk: Sally Forth is on fire today. On fire!
Luke: Where did you get a quarter of a million dollars!
Kirk: What? I don't have a quarter of a million dollars.
Luke: You don't?
Kirk: No. Just shy. It's $247,868. Sixty-seven, if I get a couple of donuts to go. Those chocolate raised are calling my name.
Luke: Where the hell did you get that much money?
Kirk: I've been working for eleven years, Luke. I've had fifteen thousand jobs. I've saved every dollar I've ever made. That and the miracle of compound interest has created a bounty of a quarter of a million dollars. Again, just under. I don't want to brag.

Quote from Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too

Kirk: I took it upon myself to poll the town, and I think you're gonna be pretty happy with the results.
Sookie: We are?
Kirk: Jackson is solidly in the lead.
Sookie: Already?
Lorelai: We just started bugging people.
Kirk: Well, I modeled my poll after the Gallup poll. The Gallup poll uses a sample of 1,005 voters to represent the 280 million people of the United States. Using that logic, the correct sampling size of the town of Stars Hollow would be 0.002. Rounding that up means one person needs to be polled, so I picked me.
Lorelai: You polled yourself?
Kirk: I was right there. Seemed like a perfect opportunity.