405. The Fundamental Things Apply
Aired October 21, 2003
Rory tries to hit the dating scene on campus. Meanwhile, Lorelai is uneasy with the fact the new inn's designer knows her mother.
Quote from Lane
Lane: My mom ordered all the okra in the Western Hemisphere. She got a great deal and I'm starving to death.
Lane: Between Seventh Day Adventist college and my mom's new fascination with ordering on the internet, my future looks very grim.
Rory: You want a Coke?
Lane: No, no time for liquids. I have to be home for dinner in four minutes. Another piece, please? Great. Okay, this is good. You all look good. Things are good?
Rory: Things are-
Lane: Okay, gotta go. Thanks for the grub. [runs out]
Lorelai: She is so throwing up on the way home.
Quote from Luke
Lorelai: Hey, Luke. What's going on?
Luke: Oh, well, Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It'll be $4,000. Tamsin Cordally called. He needs a deposit on the quartersawn oak. It'll be $4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be $4,000. Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called. She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke would suit your needs, but Gunsmoke snores, so the stables can't be too close to the guests' bedrooms. Rory's looking for her black Converse, and, oh, one last thing... I'm not taking messages for you anymore!
Luke: What did you do, have business cards printed up?
Lorelai: People just know I'm here a lot.
Luke: I missed a call from my meat guy because I was on the phone discussing Gunsmoke's deviated septum.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: You've been stomping around, barking at people for days.
Luke: I have not.
Lorelai: Yes, Cujo, you have.
Luke: I always talk to people like that.
Lorelai: No, Benji, you don't.
Luke: I'll be fine tomorrow.
Lorelai: Really, Lassie? Why is that?
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: You have never seen Casablanca? Are you kidding?
Luke: Just get anything, please.
Luke: Anything at all.
Lorelai: Bonnie and Clyde?
Luke: A video game would be nice also.
Lorelai: It Happened One Night? His Girl Friday? Treasure of the Sierra Madre? Diner?
Luke: I saw Mr. and Mrs. Bridge.
Lorelai: Oh. My house, eight o'clock. We have such work to do.
Quote from Emily
Lorelai: Do you want to borrow something of mine?
Emily: No, she does not.
Lorelai: What does that mean?
Emily: It's bad enough that you haven't taught your daughter how to interact with the opposite sex. You will not dress her up in one of your Sex and the City ensembles and send her out to tell the entire campus, "Don't worry. I'll ask you."
Lorelai: How do you know about Sex and the City? [Emily rolls her eyes]
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: I'm leftover girl. I'll have the burgers tonight and the Chinese food during the week.
Luke: Then you just should have ordered the Chinese fresh tomorrow instead of tonight.
Lorelai: I don't like fresh Chinese food. I like stale Chinese food.
Luke: I give up.
Quote from Babette
Babette: Hey, doll, how you doing?
Lorelai: Great, Babette. Just tending my bulbs.
Babette: Makes you feel better, doesn't it?
Lorelai: Absolutely, much better.
Babette: You need any help?
Lorelai: Oh, no. I got Rory helping me.
Rory: Hi, Babette.
Babette: Hi, sugar.
Babette: Don't worry, I'm looking out for your mom.
Rory: I'm glad to hear that.
Babette: Oh, and just you wait 'til spring. You're gonna wake up one morning, walk out, and pow, color coming out of your yin-yang!
Quote from Paris
Rory: Did the alarm go off?
Paris: I shut it off.
Rory: Who needs an alarm when you've got Workout Barbie around?
Paris: Never mind that some of us were up finishing a chem lab 'til 2:30 in the morning! I for one love waking up at five a.m. to the sound of someone grunting out crunches in the common room!
Rory: I told you, earplugs.
Paris: You know, she talks to herself when she stretches. Come on, Janet. Push it, Janet. Love the pain, Janet." It's pornographic.
Rory: What time is it?
Paris: I know what she's doing. It's psychological warfare. Don't let your enemy sleep. Push him 'til he cracks. Charlie tried the same tricks on our boys at Khe Sanh, and let me tell you, if she keeps this up, I am not gonna be responsible for what happens.
Quote from Michel
Lorelai: I'd be happy to buy you lunch, but I should probably take you somewhere else.
Luke: Why should you take him somewhere else?
Lorelai: Because, Kook Danes, Michel eats a very specific diet.
Michel: Normally, yes, that's true. However, every six months I give myself a crazy day where I can eat anything I want, and today's crazy day. Talk to me about your chocolate cake.
Luke: What do you want to know?
Michel: Is it Mexican?
Luke: Is what Mexican?
Michel: The chocolate.
Luke: How would I know?
Michel: It would say so on the wrapper. You could go look. [Luke is silent] I'll wait.
Luke: Take him somewhere else.
Michel: Oh, just bring me a doughnut, but put some sprinkles on it, okay?
Quote from Rory
Lorelai: Hey, what are you doing home?
Rory: Well, it seems that if you leave your laundry in the machine for even two minutes after it stops, some incredibly impatient person will come and take your nice clean clothes out and dump them.
Rory: Anywhere. [Lorelai gasps] The floor, the top of another dirty washing machine. My Belle and Sebastian t-shirt was in the garbage. So now, on top of a massive amount of reading and studying, I get to rewash my formerly perfect clean clothes.
Lorelai: Well, that's just wrong. I think you should quit school in protest.
Rory: Okay, if you say so.