Lorelai: What did I do to make you torture me like this, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lorelai: The hoops! The hoops with the jumping and the fire and the hoops!
Taylor Doose: It's just business, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I pay to shop in your store. I eat your banana splits. I've never physically hurt you except for that one spit wad in the one town meeting, but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye and I apologized profusely, so please, please, put me out of my misery and tell me what I need to do to make this thing happen!

Lorelai: Give him his ice-cream truck.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: I forged a stream and I almost got attacked by a beaver, and I'm not leaving here till you agree.
Luke: To what?
Lorelai: You don't own the street, you own the building. It's a public street. Just let him park his stupid truck.
Luke: I'm missing something here.
Lorelai: Don't change the subject.
Luke: I don't even know what the subject is.
Lorelai: If you let Taylor park his stupid ringy-dingy ice-cream truck - not even in front of the diner, but in front of part of the diner - then I can start work on the inn. But if you don't say yes... [Luke turns on a blender]... then you may not have to see his truck parked outside, but you will have to see my body swinging from that tree over there because I will hang myself. I am waiting for your answer. [sighs]
Luke: Sure. [blender stops]

Rory: So, a total strikeout, huh?
Lane: Total. And, you know, at first, I felt bad for them - so lacking in talent, yet so clueless. Then I just felt bad for their guitars.
Rory: Where are all the good young musicians these days?
Lane: My ears wanted to fly off my head.

Kirk: The roofer will be out tomorrow. The repair should take about a day.
Lorelai: I'm not gonna inquire about that right now.
Kirk: It's all taken care of, and I want to apologize for any inconvenience.
Lorelai: It was no big deal.
Kirk: I have this strong sense of chivalry when it comes to women living alone.
Lorelai: That's very nice.
Kirk: My family tree dates back to a 12th-century knight.
Lorelai: Wow.
Kirk: As a kid, I thought that meant we were related to Ted Knight. I wrote him a lot of letters. He never responded.
Lorelai: That's cute, though.

Lorelai: So why didn't you tell me you were getting your hair cut?
Rory: It's just a trim.
Lorelai: To the Braille Institute, it's just a trim.
Rory: Do you like it?
Lorelai: Will you put it back if I don't?
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Yes, I like it.

Rory: Mom?
Lorelai: Follow the Post-It's.
Rory: Does our life seem at all ridiculous to you?
Lorelai: I spent all morning carefully tracking that motion detector.
Rory: What an excellent use of your time.
Lorelai: We're good as long as we stay on the path.
Rory: So I should follow the yellow stick road?
Lorelai: [laughs] We'll be here all week, try the veal.

Lorelai: Stop.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Read.
Rory: "Crouch down and hop." Oh, come on.
Lorelai: The motion-detector beam at the top of the staircase dips very low over there.
Rory: You seriously want me to crouch down and hop?
Lorelai: Like a little hunchbacked bunny.
Rory: You know, I had decided that if I ever went to therapy, I was gonna leave you out of it, but now...

Rory: Lane.
Lane: Rory.
Rory: Have you heard of a phone? Because as my friend, it is your responsibility to use it to call me and tell me that my ex-boyfriend's wedding is on Sunday so I'm not accidentally in it.
Lane: What?
Rory: I'm sitting out in the gazebo, reading, and this guy almost brains me with a stack of tablecloths.
Lane: Oh, that's right, they're having their reception in the town square.
Rory: Yes, and Lindsay was out there holding a giant picture of her with Dean, and...
Lane: Oh my God, did she see you?
Rory: I don't think so. I do a pretty good idiot run when I need to.

Dean: So, you're home this weekend.
Rory: Yeah, I ran out of clean clothes and quarters, so...

Dean: Well, Lindsay thought she likes the gazebo, and...
Rory: And it's her wedding.
Dean: It is her wedding.
Rory: And your wedding. I mean, it's your wedding, too.
Dean: Yes, it is. It's my wedding, too.
Rory: Well, it's nice. It's, um, it's pretty. It looks like heaven or a Victoria's Secret commercial, which, to some people is basically the same thing.