Joey: Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly, and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Ross: Now, do you have any idea what you just said?
Joey: No, no. My mouth says the words, my brain is thinking "monster trucks."

Ross: I gotta say, I'm really impressed you were able to memorize all this so quickly.
Joey: I'm an actor. I can memorize anything. Last week on "Days", I had to say: "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy."
Ross: Wow. What does that mean?
Joey: No idea. But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means, "You're going to get eaten by a bear."
Ross: ... Okay.

Chandler: Janice, you're not gone?
Janice: Oh. Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home, so this is like a vacation for him. [laughs]

Rachel: Why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed, okay? I sold out for the cash. And they give me benefits, like medical and dental and a four-oh-wunk. But, you know, you pay a price. Now I'm this corporate stooge and punching a clock and, ugh, paying taxes!

Ross: Hey, how was the Met?
Charlie: The museum was amazing.
Ross: Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh?
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all this stuff to say and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Ross: What do you mean?
Charlie: Well, for one he was talking about paintings that were nowhere around.
Ross: Wait a minute. When you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
Charlie: No. No, we went to the left.
Ross: Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey.

Charlie: Well I'm thinking that maybe Joey isn't the right guy for me right now. You know, maybe I should be with someone I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, but you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy. And sure, he doesn't know that much about art but you can always talk about that with someone else.
Charlie: I guess that's true.
Ross: I mean, if you think about it, the reason he memorized all that stuff was because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Charlie: He is very sweet. Plus, he is hot!
Ross: That was gonna be my next argument.

Receptionist: Good morning, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Good morning, receptionist.
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in Room 1.
Phoebe: "Rachel Green." Son of a bitch! She came back? Are you ready for your Scottish massage? Put your face in the hole, lassie!

Rachel: You know what? I have a friend who's a masseuse.
Phoebe: Oh? "Ja", "ja"?
Rachel: "Ja". She's not very good, though.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And why do you think that is?
Rachel: I don't know. Maybe it's because she's got such callousy fingers from playing crummy guitar.
Phoebe: Ha ha. Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass.
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Rachel: Well, for like a half an hour. Man, you can lie about Sweden.

Monica: So, what is it? Is it? Is there a problem? Is there a problem with me, or with you?
Chandler: Actually, it's both of us.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Apparently, my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.
Monica: Oh. Well, what does that mean?
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their Barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do.

Receptionist: Okay, I will call you when your massage therapist is ready. Have a seat through the glass doors.
Rachel: Through the glass doors.
Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
Rachel: Alrighty then.