Monica: I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's okay. Just a few routine tests.
Chandler: But I don't want to do it in a cup.
Monica: What is the big deal?
Chandler: It's weird. You're in a doctor's office.
Monica: It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: I cannot believe Ross told you that. And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.

Monica: It's so weird. How did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too. But surprise.
Chandler: I missed most of the party. Charlie's a girl, right?
Ross: Yeah, she's this new professor in my department that I did not kiss.
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her. I mean, of all the girls at the party, God!
Ross: Why do you care so much?
Monica: Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so much?
Rachel: Because Ross is the father of my child. You know, and I want him to hook up with lots of women.

Charlie: I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm- Well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
Ross: Think less of you? No. I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. Now, those people who like someone and don't kiss them those people are stupid. I hate those people.

Phoebe: What's that? Hey, Rachel? No, you can't go there. You know how I feel about these big massage places. They're putting people like me out of business.
Monica: She wants to go hunting too!

Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't want to waste it. It would be like throwing away 100 bucks.
Phoebe: Okay, this is not about the money. Okay? It's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us hollow shells.
Rachel: I don't care about any of that.
Phoebe: Well, do you care about friendship? I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe! Fine. I won't use it.
Phoebe: Promise?
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Rachel: Well, I am going hunting.

Monica: Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests. Until then, you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.

Monica: Look, I don't want to do these tests either. But I really do think it's a good idea.
Chandler: Okay, I'm sure a doctor's office can't be worse than on a class trip to the Hershey factory. [Monica gasps] Oh, yeah. Rachel talks, too!

Joey: Who says wine has to cost more than milk?

Receptionist: Hello. Welcome to Lavender Day Spa. How may I help you?
Rachel: Hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green. And here is my gift certificate.
Receptionist: This has been torn up.
Rachel: And taped back together.

Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Ross: Oh, do you? Do you really?