‘The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song’
Season 9, Episode 7 - Aired November 14, 2002
Ross manages to make Emma laugh by rapping "Baby Got Back". Meanwhile, Phoebe tries to impress Mike's parents, and Joey and Chandler take a tour of Richard's apartment and make a surprising discovery.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Hi. You have to help me pick a dress. I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents. That's a big step.
Phoebe: Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
Quote from Ross
Rachel: Well, what did you do to make her laugh?
Ross: Well, I sang. Actually I rapped "Baby Got Back."
Rachel: You what? You sang to our baby daughter a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Ross: You know what, if you think about it it actually promotes a healthy body image because even big butts or "juicy doubles" are-
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Please don't take her away from me.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art. This huge, macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around crying about losing Monica to a real man. You don't think he's here, do you?
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Oh, my God. You're rich.
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
Phoebe: Well, so? They gotta die someday.
Quote from Mike
Phoebe: Oh, God, this is not going well.
Mike: No, you're doing fine. Really. Why don't you go talk to my dad.
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay. Still sure about me being myself?
Mike: Absolutely. Though maybe just a little less "pimp spit".
Quote from Mike
Mike: Why don't you go talk to my mom.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah, your mom. She looks nice. I can talk to her.
Mike: Yeah. You do that, and I'm gonna go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it. I don't need to watch it. I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it? Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Hey, dude, what's up?
Chandler: Don't judge me. I'm only human.
Joey: Did you take that tape?
Chandler: I had to. Okay, imagine you were married and you found a tape of your wife in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Joey: I don't know. Who am I married to?
Chandler: Some girl.
Joey: She hot?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: How did she get me to settle down?
Quote from Joey
Chandler: All right, I'm gonna watch it. I mean, it's probably not even what I think it is. Even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head. Can it?
Joey: See, I don't know. In my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped she doesn't say no to much else, I'll tell you.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Okay, please laugh for Mommy. Please? Please laugh for Mommy. [blows a raspberry] Not funny, huh? Well, so is it only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.
Because Mommy can rap. [rapping My name is Mommy. And I'm here to say. That all the babies- Oh, I can't rap.