Rachel: Well, what did you do to make her laugh?
Ross: Well, I sang. Actually I rapped "Baby Got Back."
Rachel: You what? You sang to our baby daughter a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Ross: You know what, if you think about it it actually promotes a healthy body image because even big butts or "juicy doubles" are-
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Please don't take her away from me.

Catherine: I think you guys would be very happy here.
Chandler: No, we're not together. We're definitely not a couple.
Catherine: Oh. Okay. Sorry.
Joey: Wow, you seemed pretty insulted by that. What, I'm not good enough for you?
Chandler: We are not gonna have this conversation again.

Chandler: Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art. This huge, macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around crying about losing Monica to a real man. You don't think he's here, do you?

Phoebe: Oh, my God. You're rich.
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
Phoebe: Well, so? They gotta die someday.

Phoebe: Oh, God, this is not going well.
Mike: No, you're doing fine. Really. Why don't you go talk to my dad.
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay. Still sure about me being myself?
Mike: Absolutely. Though maybe just a little less "pimp spit".

Mike: Why don't you go talk to my mom.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah, your mom. She looks nice. I can talk to her.
Mike: Yeah. You do that, and I'm gonna go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding.

Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it. I don't need to watch it. I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it? Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.

Joey: Hey, dude, what's up?
Chandler: Don't judge me. I'm only human.
Joey: Did you take that tape?
Chandler: I had to. Okay, imagine you were married and you found a tape of your wife in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Joey: I don't know. Who am I married to?
Chandler: Some girl.
Joey: She hot?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: How did she get me to settle down?

Chandler: All right, I'm gonna watch it. I mean, it's probably not even what I think it is. Even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head. Can it?
Joey: See, I don't know. In my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped she doesn't say no to much else, I'll tell you.

Rachel: Okay, please laugh for Mommy. Please? Please laugh for Mommy. [blows a raspberry] Not funny, huh? Well, so is it only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.
Because Mommy can rap. [rapping My name is Mommy. And I'm here to say. That all the babies- Oh, I can't rap.