Phoebe: So, Theodore, I can see where Mike gets his good looks from.
Theodore: Oh, well-
Phoebe: Yeah. And that physique, you must work out all the time.
Theodore: No, not all the time. I do the best I can.
Phoebe: Yeah, I bet. Look out!
Theodore: Oh. Ow!
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Theodore: I recently had surgery.
Phoebe: I'm so sorry.
Theodore: No, I'll be fine. I just should check the stitches.
Phoebe: I really am sorry.
Theodore: How could you know? Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach?

Phoebe: Bitsy? Hi. Listen, I just wanted to thank you again for having me here tonight.
Bitsy: Well, not at all.
Phoebe: Also, I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.
Bitsy: Thank you. I think so too.
Phoebe: And, you know, it really is a testament to how he was raised. Especially to you, because he's very respectful of women.
Bitsy: Is he really?
Phoebe: Are you kidding? He is so considerate of my feelings. You know, I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Bitsy: Excuse me?
Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no. No, don't get me wrong. No, not in like a sissy way. No, no, no. When he gets going he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave.
Bitsy: That's ... my boy.
Mike: Awesome.

Rachel: Emma, you're laughing. Oh, you are. You really do like big butts, don't you? Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: You missed it. She was laughing. It was amazing. It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound.
Ross: I know, isn't it? What'd you do to get her to laugh?
Rachel: You know, I just- A couple of things I tried. Different things- Just sang a little "The ltsy-Bitsy Spider."
Ross: You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you?
Rachel: Well, nothing else worked. That girl is all about the ass.

Phoebe: And then it goes back to the chorus. [singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault. Resolve. And that's the end of the song. I realize you hadn't asked to hear it but, um, no one had spoken in 17 minutes.

Phoebe: Oh, God. Is that veal?
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you, Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Bitsy: Oh.
Phoebe: No, that's okay. That's okay. I mean, I am a vegetarian except for veal. Yeah. No. Veal I love.
Mike: Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.
Phoebe: No, no. It's actually any baby animals. Kittens, fish babies. But, you know, especially veal. You know, and this nice vein of fat running through it. Yummy. Ugh! [Phoebe runs away to throw up]
Mike: So, what do you think?

Monica: Why in the world would you take this tape? And why would you watch it?
Chandler: Because that's who I am. Okay? I'm sure a man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. It'd just be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and mustaches.

Monica: That's not me!
Chandler: What? That's not you. Life is good again. Ride 'em, cowgirl.
Monica: That bastard taped over me.
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Monica: It's just so insulting. Spring for a new blank tape, doctor!

Mike: Wow. You look ... like my mom.
Phoebe: I'm wearing pantyhose.

Ross: You wanna hear some more? [rapping] My anaconda don't want none. Unless you got buns, hun. I'm a terrible father.

Phoebe: Hi. You have to help me pick a dress. I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents. That's a big step.
Phoebe: Really? That hadn't occurred to me.