Joey: Hey, what do you guys know about investments?
Chandler: How come?
Joey: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show, and I'm thinking I should probably do something with it.
Monica: What do you do with your money now?
Joey: It's taped to the back of my toilet tank. I didn't say that. It's in a bank guarded by robots.

Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market real estate is your best investment. The Fed just lowered the rates, and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. That's right. I know some stuff.

Joey: Real estate, huh?
Monica: Oh, and you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard!
Chandler: Oh, and you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!

Monica: My dad told me. They play golf together.
Chandler: Oh, well, maybe I'll join them sometime. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the mustache off his face.

Monica: They're going to love you. Just be yourself.
Phoebe: They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue.
Rachel: Oh. Yeah, she can't be herself.

Phoebe: Okay, so, all right, which dress? [silence] You can say neither.
Rachel and Monica: Oh, God. Neither.

Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
Ross: Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
Rachel: You what? And I missed it because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?

Catherine: Hi, come on in. I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
Joey: Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
Chandler: So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractice? Choked on his own mustache?
Catherine: Actually, he's buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Park-
Chandler: That's enough out of you.

Chandler: Look at these videos. I mean, who does he think he is? "Magnum Force", "Dirty Harry", Cool Hand Luke. Oh, my God.
Joey: What?
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Joey: Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it. It's probably a sex tape. ... Wait a minute. This says "Monica." And this is Richard's apartment. ...
Chandler: Get there faster!
Joey: [gasps]

Mike: What are you doing?
Phoebe: I'm trying to get your parents to like me.
Mike: I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this. I want them to get to know Phoebe, not [posh accent] "Phoebe."
Phoebe: [as Katherine Hepburn] You've got it.
Mike: All right.
Phoebe: It's hard to stop.