Frasier: Dad. Dad, what happened with that woman just now?
Martin: Nothing. She got a phone call and she had to leave. She said to say thanks.
Niles: Oh, come off it. You offended her somehow.
Frasier: What was it, Dad? A bawdy joke? Nose whistling?

Frasier: You know, Roz, we were just talking about you. Say, listen, are you busy this evening?
Roz: No.
Frasier: Oh, that's terrific news. Well then, you won't mind coming by and walking Eddie about ten o'clock?
Roz: Forget it, Frasier. I am not your assistant, I am a producer. A producer does not give up her evenings to walk a dog.
Frasier: Would a senior producer walk a dog?

Norm: Evening, everybody.
Everybody: Norm!
Cliff: Hey, so what's going down, Norm?
Norm: My blood-alcohol level. Suds, do your work. [Frasier laughs] Frasier's here?
Frasier: Hey Norm, how ya doing?

Frasier: Oh, say, Cliff, where's your mom?
Cliff: Ah, Ma got on the wrong plane. She went to Bosnia.

Cliff: Everyone, attention. Mr. Twitchell has got something to say here.
Mr. Twitchell: I'd like to propose a toast to Cliff Clavin. We were often adversaries, but he was a postman and I'll say this about him. He never developed a stoop. Mostly because he threw the big catalogs into the river. And even though he didn't strictly abide by the rules, especially 367 B Section 17...
[The mailmen laugh]
Mr. Twitchell: Well, anyway, when all is said and done you have to ask what will the mail be without Cliff Clavin?
Everybody: On time.

Roz: I'm beginning to regret betting on the clown.
Frasier: Roz, I can't eat. I can't sleep. I just lie awake in bed at night mentally arguing with Niles. And I win every time!
Roz: Frasier, this is insane. Do you really think something bad is going to happen if you break your deal with God?
Frasier: Oh, of course not. Well, maybe a little. I don't know. Roz, my brother could have died. I can't be ungrateful to whatever higher power may have spared him.
Roz: I just can't imagine that God would be upset...
Frasier: Oh, he's God, Roz. Have you read the Old Testament? He can be ruthless!

Frasier: Ann, um...
Ann: You don't know what a relief this is. I've only had one date since my divorce. Well, half a date. The jerk actually called it off in the middle of dinner. I was a wreck. I didn't get out of bed for a week. Or shave my legs.
Waiter: Your appetizers.
Frasier: Oh, gosh, this is a feast. I'm not sure we'll need to order a main course.
Ann: Well, this ain't gonna do it for me. I'm starvin' like Marvin.

Frasier: Charlotte, listen, I was just beeped by a patient who's desperate to see me, so do you mind if we just switch lunch for dinner?
Charlotte: Actually, that's better for me. I have four new clients coming in. Just think, the woman of your dreams may be sitting in my office this afternoon.
Frasier: Indeed she may.

Martin: Sounds like we got another passenger on the S.S. Ain't Getting Any.
Niles: [entering] Hello!
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Wonderful day. Marvelous day. You two look grand. Where's Daphne?
Martin: Who shoved a bluebird into you?
Frasier: You know the S.S. Ain't Getting Any? Man overboard.

Frasier: Now listen. I realize that this is a very difficult situation, but if we all cooperate, we can send everybody
home happy. Dad, if you would like, you can discretely take Bonnie aside and tell her what's going on.
Martin: Bonnie, can I tell you something?
Frasier: I said discreetly.