Ray: You know, Debra's right. She's right. I don't stick up for her enough. I always give you the benefit of the doubt 'cause I don't wanna upset you and you pull something like this. Do you know what you did? Do you know how crazy you drove Debra?
Marie: I didn't mean to make her crazy. I just wanted her to try to make the meatballs, fail, and give up. That way, everything would stay right.
Ray: Right? What makes that right? You have a problem, Ma!
Marie: Okay, I have a problem, but let me ask you something, Raymond. Would you come over here so much if I didn't make food for you?
Ray: Yeah! I'd come over for other things.
Marie: What other things?
Ray: These special moments.
Marie: Raymond, I'm your mother. I used to do everything for you. And then, like, I blinked, and you grew up. What do I do for you anymore? I mean, what's left? My food!

Ray: Don't you see? I've set a precedent now. I got him a tropical fish tank. Now every year I got to get him something bigger and better.
Debra: No, no, no. Nobody says you have to keep topping yourself.
Ray: Yes, you do. That's the way gifts are. You have to. You can't get him an aquarium one year and the next year, Isotoners.
Debra: Your dad loves the gift. Just enjoy the moment.
Ray: I've had no training for that.
Debra: The good news is you don't have to worry about this for a year.
Ray: You know nothing about worry. It's not that I don't have to worry for a year. It's that I have a year to worry.

Frank: Hey, it's not that fruit-of-the-month thing again, is it?
Ray: No, no, no.
Marie: Oh, that was the worst!
Frank: They're still coming! We got grapefruit out the wazoo!
Marie: You promised. You promised you'd stop them.
Debra: You're still on the computer. It's gonna take a couple of months.
Marie: Dear God!

Marie: Listen, I know this has been hard on you, honey. And you're doing everything you can for Raymond. But maybe the way you can help him relax is very simple.
Debra: What do you mean?
Marie: Well, I couldn't help wondering, dear, are you making yourself available to him? You know what I'm talking about?
Debra: Please, Marie!
Marie: Listen, you know Raymond doesn't like to ask for things.
Debra: Do we have to talk about this?
Marie: I'm just trying to help.
Debra: You know, I didn't say anything when you told me how Ray liked his underwear folded, but this is over the line.
Marie: Well, I'm sorry, but Raymond needs your help. Debra, you... Have a glass of wine first!

[flashback:]
Debra: Here's a two-bedroom apartment in Elmont.
Ray: Elmont? No. Look, here's the tri-state area. Here's where my mom and dad live. So anything within this circle is too close to my parents' house.
Debra: Put that away. They're gonna be here any minute.
Ray: You're not listening. If my mom can cook sauce and get it to our house before it's cold, she's gonna be over every day. Nuh-uh. We'll call this the hot zone.
Debra: I like her sauce.
Ray: Let me finish, please. Now, anything within this zone is gonna be about a once-a-week visit, okay? Now, here farthest away. Best zone right? Wrong! 'Cause if we move here and they visit, they become overnight guests. Okay, so the middle zone is our target area. It's too close for an overnight, too far for sauce.
Debra: Well, speak for yourself, Ray, because I have no problem with your parents.

Ray: All right, Warren, what's the score? You're watching soccer?
Warren: Uruguay versus Venezuela.
Frank: [enters] Did anybody score while I was crossing the street? What the hell is this crap? That's soccer.
Warren: Frank, only in America is football the game that you're familiar with. In many countries, when people refer to ''footbalI'' they actually mean soccer.
Frank: In many countries, people eat cats. [changes the channel]

Frank: What kind of food do they serve here?
Debra: I believe it's French.
Warren: Ever been to France?
Marie: Oh, no, we're not world travelers.
Lois: Oh, France is so lovely. You have to go.
Frank: I don't appreciate the French... as a people. I find them annoying. Truly.

Robert: Aww, wook at wittle Waymond, all upset, 'cause they're gonna take his little adenoids out.
Ray: Forget about it. I'm not doing it.
Debra: Yes, you are. What kind of example do you think you're setting for the kids?
Frank: Yeah, and while you're in there, have the doctor look at your unenjoyable testicle.
Ray: It's undescended, Dad.
Frank: Yes, and do you enjoy it that way?

Ray: Debra, she saw what happened with Amy and Mom and the thank-you notes, and she got Amy to join forces with her, and now Debra's all foaming at the mouth.
Frank: Wait a minute, this is bad news for me. Anything that puts the missus in a worse mood than usual puts me in the dumper. Who's gonna feed me if this happens? Debra? That's no kind of life. How's Amy's cooking?
Ray: I don't know. It's good, I guess.
Frank: Still, that's a 10-minute drive. You've got to shut this down, Ray.
Frank: How are they gonna pull it off?
Ray: It's already started. They're planning a big throw-down, Iaying out the new order, and everybody's equal... Iove all around, peace and harmony.
Frank: Those stupid broads.

Marie: Frank, why can't you put a little more thought into what you got me?
Frank: Slippers are very thoughtful. Every day, I see your feet when you get out of bed. So I thought and I thought and I thought... "What can I get to cover up those things?"