Doc: You know, I used to write jokes for some comedians back when.
Chris: You did?
Doc: Mm-hmm. I got a joke or two on most of these albums here.
Chris: Really? Well, can I listen to them?
Doc: Sure. But some of this material is a little blue.
Chris: Blue?
Doc: Yeah, filthy. So if you hear something you ain't supposed to hear, turn it off.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Don't be so strict, old man.

Chris: Moms Mabley? Bill Cosby. George Carlin, Class Clown?
George Carlin: [on tape] Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them you can't say on television. [sing-songy] They must really be bad...
Chris: "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television"?
George Carlin: [on tape] You know the seven, don't you, that you can't say on television?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Seven? I could only think of three. [two bleeps] What? Whoo! [two bleeps] Ouch! Uh-huh!
[two bleeps] Whoa! Hey, now! [bleep] Ho, ho, ho, ho! My vocabulary just grew by four.

Chris: Don't tell anybody.
Joey Caruso: I liked it better when you worked clean, man. You know, I feel that the use of foul language degrades not only the listener but the speaker as well. [knocks Chris's books out of his hand]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Caruso is the only guy I know who would beat things out of you he wouldn't say.

Julius: Who is this anyway?
Chris: George Carlin.
Rochelle: George Carlin from Car Wash?
Chris: Yeah.
Julius: No wonder his part in that movie was so small. If he'd have said anything else, they wouldn't have been able to put it out.

Julius: Chris, look, the point is: this is not comedy for children. Next time I find out you're telling these type of jokes, you're gonna get more than suspended.
Rochelle: You done?
Julius: Yeah, why?
Rochelle: 'Cause as far as I'm concerned, this time is next time.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Number three...!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I risked a beating trying to hear one side of that Redd Foxx album. Now I was risking my life trying to hear the other side. Now, I know it wrong to sneak behind my parents back and listen to dirty records, but if listening to dirty records was wrong, I don't wanna do right.
Redd Foxx: [on tape] "When I was a kid, during the depression I mean we were poor. When Christmas time came, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had nothing to play with."

Ms. Morello: So, Mr. Funny Man, you're so funny, why don't you make me laugh?
Chris: I can't.
Ms. Morello: Obviously you can. Everybody else is laughing. You told them a joke, so you can tell me a joke?
Chris: I don't think so.
Ms. Morello: Oh, so now you're thinking? Well, I tell you what. You'll have plenty of time to think when you're serving a day in detention. [kids gasp]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Don't ask me what I'm thinking right now.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Some guys want their sisters to hook 'em up. Not Drew.
Tonya: Chantal called you.
Drew: What? How'd she get our number?
Tonya: I gave it to her.
Drew: What'd you do that for?
Tonya: Because she likes you.
Drew: So? I don't like her.
Tonya: So?
Drew: What do you mean "so"?
Tonya: I mean "so." Just because you don't like her doesn't mean she don't like you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew hadn't learned that women spoke a different language... Crazy.

Mr. Omar: Yeah, so how did the fellas work out?
Rochelle: They didn't. Who's this?
Lester: I'm Lester. You know, you're much younger than I thought you would be.
Rochelle: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, lowdown. You're not coming to meet me. You're coming to meet my mother.
Lester: [gravelly] Well, if she looks anything like you, this could work out.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Calm down, Billy Dee, she don't want your Colt 45.
Rochelle: Well, if you talk to her like you talking to me... [gravelly] it just might.

Doc: Where you been?
Chris: I'm sorry I'm late. I was in detention.
Doc: Detention? For what?
Chris: I was telling Redd Foxx jokes in class.
Doc: Redd Foxx? As dirty as he is, I know your mother didn't let you listen to that.
Chris: Nope. I snuck and listened to it while they were asleep.
Doc: Oh, you got a little sneak in you, huh?
Chris: Yeah, I guess.