James: You've seen my instructor pick me up at the school gates a dozen times! What did you think was going on?
Michelle: I just thought he was some sort of creep.
James: Yet you didn't try to intervene?
Michelle: You seemed happy enough.
James: I see...

Aunt Sarah: How's rehearsals going, girls?
Michelle: Um, I think mine might be a wee bit frozen.
Aunt Sarah: It's called "al dente", Michelle.
Michelle: Oh. Right.

Mary: Gerry!
Joe: Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: But the offer ends today, Mary.
Mary: Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: Gerry!
Joe: Gerry! Gerry!
Mary: Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: Gerry!
Joe: Gerry!
Gerry: [enters] Was someone calling?

Mary: Hot water's gone again.
Joe: That bloody boiler!
Mary: We'll have to ring the plumber.
Erin: Mother, have you seen my fountain pen?
Aunt Sarah: We're talking about free make-up here, Mary.
Mary: The plumber? The number's in my wee address book, Da.
Joe: I'm sick saying we need a new boiler.
Erin: Mammy, my fountain pen...
Gerry: We can't afford a new boiler.
Joe: Tight hole!

Orla: I don't like strawberry Pop Tarts. I like chocolate Pop Tarts.
Erin: Mammy? Pen?
Mary: Right, here you go. Here's a pen.
Erin: That's a Biro.
Aunt Sarah: I mean, I've seen corpses that are a better colour.
Erin: I can't write with a Biro!
Orla: Which means I end up eating them out of pity.
Erin: You might as well ask Van Gogh to paint with a trowel.

[Intro to "Feeling Hot Hot Hot" by The Merrymen plays]
♫ Ole, Ole, ole, ole, ole ♫ ♫ Ole, Ole, ole, ole, ole ♫
[As Aisling and Jenny dance, Pudsey Bear encourages Miss Mooney to get up and dance]
Miss Mooney: Oh, God, please no!
♫ Feeling Hot Hot Hot ♫ ♫ Feeling Hot Hot Hot ♫
Sister Michael: No, no, no. [stops music] Thank you, girls. We won't forget that performance in a hurry... no matter how hard we try. Now, amidst the merriment, it's easy to forget there is a serious and rather depressing side to Children in Need, mainly the fact that Father Peter has decided to come and talk to us about it.

Michelle: Holy Christ. That pony tail is gonna bring my breakfast up.
Father Peter: [microphone feedback] Great stuff. Thank you, Sister. Firstly, well done on the almighty effort so far. We'll be announcing the grand total raised at our Stars in their Eyes evening on Friday.
Michelle: And tonight, Matthew, I'm gonna be...nowhere near that shit.

Father Peter: Fantastic way to round off this week of complete madness. I don't know whose idea it was, but it was genius.
Sister Michael: It was your idea.
Father Peter: Ah, now.
Sister Michael: You said, "Can we have a Stars in their Eyes night?"
Father Peter: Is that right? Well, sure, there you are.
Sister Michael: And I said absolutely not.
Father Peter: I see. Well, sure all's well...
Sister Michael: And then you started begging.
Father Peter: ..that ends well, as they say.
Sister Michael: At one point it looked like you were going to cry.
Father Peter: I think you've maybe slightly misremembered there.

Father Peter: And we've got a pretty exciting first prize lined up. The winner will get a chance to... Drum roll, please, Sister.
Sister Michael: Have you lost your actual mind?
Father Peter: ...perform their song live on TV. What about that now?

Gerry: Sarah? Is that... Are you wearing a wig?
Aunt Sarah: I don't want to get into it, Gerry.
Gerry: Good, neither do I.