Emily: Pardon me, Norm. I just gotta call the shop. Hey, I really like this Cheers place. Do you come here often?
Norm: Well, what do you consider often?
Emily: Oh, two or three times a week.
Norm: Then I don't come here often.

Norm: Come on. Don't be ridiculous.
Cliff: I don't know. Let's just submit this to our resident expert on womenology.
Coach: Well, I don't usually think of myself that way, but I'd be happy to share any thoughts I have with you, Cliffo.

Carla: So, what do you think, Sam?
Sam: I think she's scouting your territory.
Diane: Norman, ignore these blatherskites. They're just having fun at your expense.
Coach: She's absolutely right, Normie. The emptiness of their lives causes them to cast aspersions on your own.
Diane: You can say that again.
Coach: No, I can't, Diane.

Norm: I know these guys are joking.
Diane: They know as well as you do that if anything did happen it would injure irreparably the special one you love.
Cliff: Oh, come on, Diane. I'd get over it in a couple of weeks.

Sam: Norm, you told her you were married, right?
Norm: Course. She knows about Vera. I mentioned her at least a couple of times. My wedding ring's right out there for everyone to see... at that pawn shop on Boylson Street.

Diane: You people are recommending Norman commit adultery.
Carla: It happens all the time, stick. That's the way life is. I'm telling you, the only difference between Dynasty and the real world is they got better hair cuts.

Coach: My, God, I just thought of something.
Sam: What's that?
Coach: What if Vera calls and she wants to know where Normie is?
Carla: Tell her he stepped out.
Coach: That's kind of flimsy, Carla.
Carla: OK. He went to a movie with you, Coach.
Coach: Oh, yeah, that's nice. Gee, Norm and I haven't been out together in a long time. [phone rings] [answers] Okay, okay, I can't go through it, Mrs. Peterson, Norm's out with a dame.
Carla: Give me that!
Cliff: Coach. Coach, if you were at the Alamo, we'd all be wearing sombreros.

Norm: I didn't even have the guts to go in, Sam. I've been sitting out in the car for the last two hours.
Sam: What about your hickey?
Norm: I've got one of those little vacuum cleaners in the glove compartment. I'm such a coward!
Sam: Oh, come on, Norm. Meaningless affairs aren't all they're cracked up to be. I've had lots of them. Do you think they made me happy?
Norm: Ecstatic.
Sam: Yeah, but that's me, Norm.

Norm: Sammy, can I make a confession to you right now?
Sam: Oh, please don't.
Norm: I love my wife.
Sam: Well, that's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Norm: Well, just wait a second, it gets worse.
Sam: Oh, God.
Norm: Vera is the only woman I've ever had.
Sam: Now, Norm, when you say "had", you mean...
Norm: Yes.
Sam: [chuckles] Come on, man. Be serious.
Norm: I am.
Sam: Well, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with that?
Norm: I mean, I don't even want other women, Sam. All right, don't get me wrong. I get urges, okay? And if I acted on those urges, I'd be no better than a rutting pig. A happy, singing, dancing, rutting pig.

Sam: I don't know what this all was about? I mean, you make it sound like you're confessing a crime, here.
Norm: Come on, Sam, people don't go around bragging about loving their wives. I mean, when was the last time you saw a bunch of guys around a bar slamming beers and exchanging great tales of marital bliss?
Sam: So those jokes about Vera are a bunch of baloney. You really love her, huh?
Norm: Course I do. Most of them aren't even true, you know. Like that one about the tentacles.