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Open House

‘Open House’

Season 1, Episode 10 -  Aired March 22, 2022

As Janine prepares to meet the parent of a struggling student, the rest of the teachers use the night of the open house to relax. Meanwhile, Gregory learns how Ava got the principal job, and Barbara's daughter visits.

Quote from Melissa

Melissa: Okay, I'm back. Had to show a couple of parents... how to get to another school. They were in the wrong place. [reshuffles cards] Oh, sorry, Mr. Johnson, I gotta do that. Last time I trusted someone else to shuffle, I lost a kidney.


Quote from Mr. Johnson

[After studying his hand, Jacob goes to slide all his chips in]
Melissa: Okay! Just wait. I can't let you do this, kid. Why don't we just say we're playing for these chips and not real money?
Mr. Johnson: A bet is a bet. I gambled away my house, my car, and my subscription to Horse Fancy. No one ever said, "That's okay, Mr. Johnson. It was an honest mistake."

Quote from Ava

Ava: [over P.A.] Principal A-A-Ava, son! Another one! Check out this oldie but goodie by my guy Ginuwine! It's called "Pony," y'all! And he ain't talking about a horse! ["Pony" plays over P.A.] Superintendent Collins, you showed.
Superintendent Collins: Just stopping by for a quick tour.
Ava: Well, if you want to waste your time, fine by me. But you know if you got a problem, there's nothing you can do about it.
Superintendent Collins: It's my job to be here.
Ava: Well, I wouldn't want to cheat you out of a tour. [chuckles] I say that 'cause you cheated on your wife.
Superintendent Collins: I got it the first time.
Ava: Let me put on some Toni Braxton. You'll like this one. It's called... [echoing] "Love Shoulda Brought You Home"!

Quote from Gregory

Melissa: Is that Gregory?
Jacob: Did he look, like, disheveled?
[aside to camera:]
Gregory: Normally, I do these standing up, but I realized something... Nothing matters. Okay? Why try? I mean, I tried for the principal job, and for what? You know, what was the point? I mean, what's the point of anything, really? Oh, yeah, I loosened my tie, yeah. I mean, why even sit up straight, you know? I like this. It feels better. [grunts] Why do people sit like that?

Quote from Jacob

Jacob: Darn it! I just have the same four cards.
Melissa: Are you frickin' kidding me?
Jacob: Does that mean I get all the chips? [smiles]
Melissa: What was that?
Jacob: What was what?
Melissa: That right there. That... that smirk.
Mr. Johnson: Yeah, he's definitely besmirked.
Melissa: You've played poker before, haven't you? [Jacob smiles] All right, you hustled me.
Jacob: Sorry. Yeah. I'm actually really good at poker. When I did Teachers Without Borders, we had a lot of free time, so we basically would just play cards... and have sex with each other.
Mr. Johnson: What's the name of that organization again?
Melissa: You know what? I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. I mean, I will get revenge on you, and you should look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, but... well done.

Quote from Ava

Electronic Voice: DJ A-V-A. A-A-A-A-A-A!
[Mary J. Blige's "I'm Goin' Down" plays]
♪ Time on my hands ♪
Mr. Johnson: [music stops] Gotta turn the lights off, Mary J. [music resumes]
Ava: [sings along] ♪ I'm goin' down ♪ ♪ I'm goin' down ♪ ♪ 'Cause you ain't around ♪ ♪ Baby ♪ ♪ My whole world's upside down ♪ ♪ Sleep don't come easy ♪ ♪ Boy, please believe me ♪ ♪ Since you been gone ♪ ♪ Everything's goin' wrong ♪

Quote from Melissa

Gregory: What's your resting heart rate?
Janine: Around 75.
Gregory: Mm.
Melissa: What are you, a hummingbird?

Quote from Ava

Janine: No, it's just... I know what it's like to be a child at one of those pivotal moments, and, uh... You know, parents should be involved.
Gregory: But what are you afraid she's gonna end up like?
Ava: [enters] [sings] ♪ I got the sounds for your ass, and it's easy to see ♪ ♪ That this DJ be Ava C! ♪ I'm DJ'ing the open house! DJ A-V-A! Whatever.
Gregory: The superintendent is coming. Don't you think you should act more like... you know, a... principal?
Ava: Yeah, well, if the superintendent has notes for me, I got a note for him: don't let me catch you cheating on your wife. [laughs]
Gregory: What are you talking about?
Ava: Oh, you don't know? I caught him with the Deaconess. That's how I got this job. He thought he could get away with a thot, but he thought wrong. That's a tongue twister.
Gregory: Wait. Are you saying...
Ava: That that man is in my pocket like Jay-Z after the elevator. [laughs] I'ma go set up. Y'all got any requests, ask your mama, 'cause I don't take requests.

Quote from Janine

Janine: [aside to camera] I'm not sure when Nina's mom is coming, uh, but I'm starting to get a little anxious. This has to go well. So, just in case, I'm gonna go see Barbara to rehearse what I have to say. Barbara is my mentor. And you know what? She's kind of like my mom. She's my momtor.

Quote from Mr. Johnson

Melissa: Mr. J! Come on. It's time.
Mr. Johnson: Hey, it's me, Mr. Johnson. I look different in my after-work clothes. You got him to play?
Melissa: Mm-hmm.
Jacob: I think I'll be okay. You know, I... I've dabbled in Uno.
Melissa: Yeah, see? He dabbled in Uno. Listen, this is a nice, friendly game. You got nothing to worry about.
Jacob: Well, wonderful.
Melissa: Sit your ass down.
Mr. Johnson: Papa's getting a new set of brooms! [laughs]

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