Mr. Johnson Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Quote from Zoo Balloon

Mr. Johnson: [aside to camera] I love field trips. I get to do Mr. Johnson's Day Off. That's when I watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which is a movie about a depressed kid who murder his father's Ferrari.
[Ava takes a group of kids to Mr. Johnson's custodial closet:]
Ava: Mr. Johnson, sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but these kids need to stay with you.
Mr. Johnson: Well, looks like Ava switched this day from Ferris Bueller's Day Off to The Breakfast Club. Life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop every once in a while to take a look, you might...
Ava: Missed one. [chuckles]
Mr. Johnson: Come on in.

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Quote from Pilot

Ava: Okay. Oh. So, not good. Ms. Schwartz was out of line and clearly didn't know how to handle her class.
Melissa: You hired her.
Ava: And fired her. They give me a lot of power around here. It's crazy. In the meantime, Mr. Johnson will be watching her class.
Janine: Wait. Sorry. Mr. Johnson, the janitor?
[cut to Mr. Johnson in front of a whiteboard which reads "Illuminati":]
Mr. Johnson: That's who runs the world, kids.

Quote from Work Family

Janine: Okay. "I won a bronze medal for hammer throw in the Olympics."
Mr. Johnson: What can I say? The rumors about the Olympic Village are true.
Janine: Let's move on.

Quote from Light Bulb

[aside to camera:]
Mr. Johnson: I like the news, because that's when I can say whatever I want and nobody asks any questions.
[Mr. Johnson walks into the staff lounge as the teachers watch TV:]
Mr. Johnson: Taking a personal day. Going fishing with my friends. Anyways, toilet paper's in the closet.

Quote from Work Family

Janine: Look, this is the man I'm going to marry.
Melissa: Janine, when people get married, they try a lot of cakes.
Mr. Johnson: Have you had two slices of cake at one time? I can tell you, when I was at the Olympic Village...

Quote from Open House

[After studying his hand, Jacob goes to slide all his chips in]
Melissa: Okay! Just wait. I can't let you do this, kid. Why don't we just say we're playing for these chips and not real money?
Mr. Johnson: A bet is a bet. I gambled away my house, my car, and my subscription to Horse Fancy. No one ever said, "That's okay, Mr. Johnson. It was an honest mistake."

Quote from Desking

Mr. Johnson: This ain't my first rodeo, hombre. [chuckles] I've staken out before.
Gregory: You stake out other classrooms?
Mr. Johnson: No, you creep. I did private investigator work back in the day.
Gregory: You were a private investigator before a custodian?
Mr. Johnson: No, before I worked at the rodeo.
Gregory: Oh. Sorry. I just... I thought that, you know...
Mr. Johnson: What, that I've been a custodian my whole life? No, man. I worked as a pipe fitter, a minor league baseball bunting coach, a tastefully nude model, sold RVs for summer. Might find a new path after this.
Gregory: Wait, you never dreamed of just doing one thing?
Mr. Johnson: Sure, I have. But a dream can be a distraction just as easy as it can be a goal.

Quote from Gifted Program

Mr. Johnson: [aside to camera] There's one area of giftedness that always goes overlooked. I've started a gifted custodian program. It's like reverse Good Will Hunting. [Malcolm clears up the candies he knocked over in Ava's office] You see a genius cleaning. I see a cleaning genius.

Quote from Step Class

Barbara: Well, I don't know about sexy, but my favorite day of the week is Sunday. The good Lord's day.
Mr. Johnson: My favorite day is Tuesday.
Jacob: Fascinating. Why?
Mr. Johnson: Because it's trash day.
Jacob: Yeah, mm-hmm. That checks out.

Quote from Desking

Gregory: So, wait, if this is happening to everybody except Barbara, then what's going on?
Melissa: It's weird.
Miss Williams: I mean, no idea.
Mr. Johnson: I know what's going on, and it's bad. In fact, I've been praying that it wouldn't breach our walls.
Jacob: Ghosts.
Mr. Johnson: It's called desking. It's a new online challenge where kids jump from desktop to desktop. Heard about it last week through the custodial network.
Barbara: Mm.

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