Jacob Quote #67
Quote from Jacob in Open House
Jacob: Darn it! I just have the same four cards.
Melissa: Are you frickin' kidding me?
Jacob: Does that mean I get all the chips? [smiles]
Melissa: What was that?
Jacob: What was what?
Melissa: That right there. That... that smirk.
Mr. Johnson: Yeah, he's definitely besmirked.
Melissa: You've played poker before, haven't you? [Jacob smiles] All right, you hustled me.
Jacob: Sorry. Yeah. I'm actually really good at poker. When I did Teachers Without Borders, we had a lot of free time, so we basically would just play cards... and have sex with each other.
Mr. Johnson: What's the name of that organization again?
Melissa: You know what? I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. I mean, I will get revenge on you, and you should look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, but... well done.
Abbott Elementary Quotes
‘Open House’ Quotes
Quote from Melissa
Melissa: Okay, I'm back. Had to show a couple of parents... how to get to another school. They were in the wrong place. [reshuffles cards] Oh, sorry, Mr. Johnson, I gotta do that. Last time I trusted someone else to shuffle, I lost a kidney.
Quote from Mr. Johnson
[After studying his hand, Jacob goes to slide all his chips in]
Melissa: Okay! Just wait. I can't let you do this, kid. Why don't we just say we're playing for these chips and not real money?
Mr. Johnson: A bet is a bet. I gambled away my house, my car, and my subscription to Horse Fancy. No one ever said, "That's okay, Mr. Johnson. It was an honest mistake."
Quote from Ava
Ava: [over P.A.] Principal A-A-Ava, son! Another one! Check out this oldie but goodie by my guy Ginuwine! It's called "Pony," y'all! And he ain't talking about a horse! ["Pony" plays over P.A.] Superintendent Collins, you showed.
Superintendent Collins: Just stopping by for a quick tour.
Ava: Well, if you want to waste your time, fine by me. But you know if you got a problem, there's nothing you can do about it.
Superintendent Collins: It's my job to be here.
Ava: Well, I wouldn't want to cheat you out of a tour. [chuckles] I say that 'cause you cheated on your wife.
Superintendent Collins: I got it the first time.
Ava: Let me put on some Toni Braxton. You'll like this one. It's called... [echoing] "Love Shoulda Brought You Home"!