Ava Coleman Quotes Page 1 of 8    

Quote from Light Bulb

Gregory: Okay, best thing to do in these situations is just stay calm and...
Ava: Okay! This is it, y'all! The end times! It's three months early, but it's happening!
Janine: Aah! Don't shake the ladder!
Ava: Gregory is the only person that can stay in my bunker, so stop asking.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: Hell yeah, I'm a doomsday prepper. [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be? I don't know why more people aren't. Have you seen Train to Busan? With the fast-ass zombies? [scoffs] That day is coming. That day soon come.

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Quote from Wishlist

Ava: Oh, yeah, I can help you make your video.
Janine: Really?
Ava: Yes. This is what I do.
Janine: Well, you're also a principal, so...
Ava: Yeah, but this is my art. I write, I edit, I direct, I do the music, I lip-sync. Because of me, when people say that their favorite director is that Ava lady, somebody else gotta be like, "Which one?" [both chuckle]
Janine: Well, maybe you can just give me a few tips. You know, maybe help build upon what I already have?
Ava: Let me see your phone. What is this? An iPhone 9? [chuckles] It's like a Walkman. I don't know nothing about this. That's before my time.

Quote from New Tech

Ava: I've done more for this school in one year than he did for the whole movie, so I-
Barbara: Okay, thank you.
Ava: Oh, I guess it's time to go. That kid's a reading fool.
Barbara: Good afternoon, Abbott. My student, William, will be reading Jack and Jill.
Ava: Oh! [laughs] Change of plans. My copy of Michelle Obama's book just came in, and since Will reads at a 4th grade level, that shouldn't be a problem.
Barbara: Oh, no. I really think that Will would prefer to read...
Ava: Don't nobody want to hear about pails and water and whatnot. We want to hear what "Michelle O" got to say. I hope there's a section in there about her meet cute with my man, Barry Hussein.

Quote from Step Class

Ava: I'm telling y'all, it was like Bring It On but with Black people on both sides, so you know they ain't gonna never make that movie. [laughter]
Janine: Oh, hey, girl!
Ava: Hey! I was just telling them about when I was on 106 & Park. Me and Terrence J made our own top-10 list that night, if you know what I mean.
Janine: No, I hope they do not know what you mean.
Ava: You think they never seen 106 & Park?

Quote from Desking

Ava: Aw, man. Why am I not getting these videos? I've done everything I possibly can to make my phone think I'm 22. I haven't used capital letters in years.

Quote from Desking

Ava: Get all your desks to the gym until this whole thing blows over or there's some new trend that I don't hear about because life is a joke, people. Come on. Hurry up. Who knows when those kids'll start arriving.
Jacob: They get here at 7:30.
Ava: Every day? That's wild.

Quote from Light Bulb

Ava: Y'all feel this heat? Oh, my God! She pale like a zombie! You know, they eat the hottest people first. Let me back my tasty ass up.

Quote from Wishlist

Janine: And I know she comes from that generation that doesn't ask for what they need, so I want to ask for her, and that is why I'm here. [motor running, water splashing] Sorry, am I hearing, like, splashing or bubbles?
Ava: Oh, yeah. Soaking my toesies in my new foot bath.
Janine: Where'd you get this stuff?
Ava: I put it on your list. For the kids. How does having a principal with muscle tension serve them? Ooh, that's a knot! Ooh, that's a knot! Whoo!
Janine: You know what? I'm gonna go.
Ava: That's a knot. Okay, okay. Okay, you were right. Mrs. Howard is an amazing teacher, and we should look out for our own.
Janine: So, does that mean you'll make her a video?
Ava: Oh, yeah. I'm gonna make it rain glue sticks in that room.
Janine: [chuckles] Well, thank you.
Ava: You don't need to thank me. I'mma thank myself by getting an accessory for this massage gun. I want the little part that gets in between the bones.

Quote from Wishlist

Ava: It's me, Ava. [chuckles] I was gonna text you, but then I didn't. This might be my best work yet.
Janine: Hey.
Ava: I went in a new direction.
Ava: [v.o. on video] Hello, I am Barbara Howard, the oldest teacher at the poorest school in America.
Ava: I do good voices, huh? [chuckles] I should pursue that more, like cartoons or something.
Ava: [v.o. on video] Please help me fill my wishlist, if not for me, Barbara Howard, the oldest teacher at the poorest school in America, then for little Johnny.
Janine: His name is Amir.
Ava: Shh. People like "Johnny." It makes 'em sad.
Ava: [v.o. on video] Or little Mia.
Ava: Now, she can act. She couldn't do it, and then I pulled out a dollar, that little girl was Viola Davis.

Quote from Wishlist

Janine: Ava, no. Delete. Stop. This cannot go out.
Ava: Oh, girl, it's out. It's up and out.
Janine: What?
Ava: And it's hot. These are OnlyFans numbers. I usually gotta show feet to go this viral. Barbara's gonna get everything she needs.
Janine: Ava, this is the grossest, most emotionally manipulative, exploitative thing I've ever seen in my life.
Ava: Thank you. I followed how they make the Pixar movies. It's a trick how they make you cry, but it works.
Janine: If Barbara sees this, I am gonna have to quit, completely start over, move to a small town, and then right when my tomato stand takes off, she's gonna be there... Barbara, trying to buy one, and it'll all be over!
Ava: Girl, tomatoes suck. Why are you worried about Barbara Howard seeing this? She's the most aggressively offline person I've ever met. She responded to my Paperless Post with her ATM code. But you know who will see it? Everybody else. [chuckles]

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