Ava: I'm telling y'all, it was like Bring It On but with Black people on both sides, so you know they ain't gonna never make that movie. [laughter]
Janine: Oh, hey, girl!
Ava: Hey! I was just telling them about when I was on 106 & Park. Me and Terrence J made our own top-10 list that night, if you know what I mean.
Janine: No, I hope they do not know what you mean.
Ava: You think they never seen 106 & Park?

Ava: Y'all not gonna believe this, but I was watching Gourders, that show about pumpkin hoarders, and a commercial about Abbott came on. It's bad. I had to watch two more episodes before it played again.

Jacob: Anyways, here is something to go off of for Episode 1. But, you know, make it your own. Wherever the story takes you, go there.
Ava: Y'all be careful. That equipment ain't cheap. You think just anybody can start a podcast? Please!
[aside to camera:]
Ava: Oh, you haven't heard of the Coleman Podcast Network? It's a couple of Housewife recaps, Banana Mouth, my screenwriting-advice podcast, Catch These Fade Ins, not to mention my ASMR endeavors. [whispering] But Spotify made me take those down. [ASMR eating noises]

Janine: What else?
Girl: This is impossible!
Janine: No, nothing is impossible. Now, come on. Keep guessing. [door opens]
Ava: All the vowels are in the dump. What word has two X's and no vowels? Did Grimes have another kid?

Ava: Everyone settle down. I have a very important announcement to make in a short amount of time. My Postmates is around the corner. It's about damn time, José L.

Ava: [over intercom] I need all teachers in the library in two minutes. We're gonna decide who's going to get those tickets. And can somebody bring me a Sprite? From McDonald's.

Gregory: Okay, best thing to do in these situations is just stay calm and...
Ava: Okay! This is it, y'all! The end times! It's three months early, but it's happening!
Janine: Aah! Don't shake the ladder!
Ava: Gregory is the only person that can stay in my bunker, so stop asking.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: Hell yeah, I'm a doomsday prepper. [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be? I don't know why more people aren't. Have you seen Train to Busan? With the fast-ass zombies? [scoffs] That day is coming. That day soon come.

Ava: Oh, yeah, I can help you make your video.
Janine: Really?
Ava: Yes. This is what I do.
Janine: Well, you're also a principal, so...
Ava: Yeah, but this is my art. I write, I edit, I direct, I do the music, I lip-sync. Because of me, when people say that their favorite director is that Ava lady, somebody else gotta be like, "Which one?" [both chuckle]
Janine: Well, maybe you can just give me a few tips. You know, maybe help build upon what I already have?
Ava: Let me see your phone. What is this? An iPhone 9? [chuckles] It's like a Walkman. I don't know nothing about this. That's before my time.

Ava: I've done more for this school in one year than he did for the whole movie, so I-
Barbara: Okay, thank you.
Ava: Oh, I guess it's time to go. That kid's a reading fool.
Barbara: Good afternoon, Abbott. My student, William, will be reading Jack and Jill.
Ava: Oh! [laughs] Change of plans. My copy of Michelle Obama's book just came in, and since Will reads at a 4th grade level, that shouldn't be a problem.
Barbara: Oh, no. I really think that Will would prefer to read...
Ava: Don't nobody want to hear about pails and water and whatnot. We want to hear what "Michelle O" got to say. I hope there's a section in there about her meet cute with my man, Barry Hussein.

Ava: Aw, man. Why am I not getting these videos? I've done everything I possibly can to make my phone think I'm 22. I haven't used capital letters in years.