Ava: Get all your desks to the gym until this whole thing blows over or there's some new trend that I don't hear about because life is a joke, people. Come on. Hurry up. Who knows when those kids'll start arriving.
Jacob: They get here at 7:30.
Ava: Every day? That's wild.

Ava: Barbara, this came for you.
Barbara: I have to go to court?
Ava: Oh, wait. This is a cease-and-desist for me. Coleman Camping Supplies seems to think that they're the only Colemans that can sell camping supplies. I got lanterns, too.

Ava: Damn, genetics are wild. You're cool and she... [off Vanetta's look] You would beat my ass, wouldn't you?
Vanetta: Hmm.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: The key to never getting your ass beat? Knowing when someone can beat your ass.

Janine: And I know she comes from that generation that doesn't ask for what they need, so I want to ask for her, and that is why I'm here. [motor running, water splashing] Sorry, am I hearing, like, splashing or bubbles?
Ava: Oh, yeah. Soaking my toesies in my new foot bath.
Janine: Where'd you get this stuff?
Ava: I put it on your list. For the kids. How does having a principal with muscle tension serve them? Ooh, that's a knot! Ooh, that's a knot! Whoo!
Janine: You know what? I'm gonna go.
Ava: That's a knot. Okay, okay. Okay, you were right. Mrs. Howard is an amazing teacher, and we should look out for our own.
Janine: So, does that mean you'll make her a video?
Ava: Oh, yeah. I'm gonna make it rain glue sticks in that room.
Janine: [chuckles] Well, thank you.
Ava: You don't need to thank me. I'mma thank myself by getting an accessory for this massage gun. I want the little part that gets in between the bones.

Ava: It's me, Ava. [chuckles] I was gonna text you, but then I didn't. This might be my best work yet.
Janine: Hey.
Ava: I went in a new direction.
Ava: [v.o. on video] Hello, I am Barbara Howard, the oldest teacher at the poorest school in America.
Ava: I do good voices, huh? [chuckles] I should pursue that more, like cartoons or something.
Ava: [v.o. on video] Please help me fill my wishlist, if not for me, Barbara Howard, the oldest teacher at the poorest school in America, then for little Johnny.
Janine: His name is Amir.
Ava: Shh. People like "Johnny." It makes 'em sad.
Ava: [v.o. on video] Or little Mia.
Ava: Now, she can act. She couldn't do it, and then I pulled out a dollar, that little girl was Viola Davis.

Janine: Ava, no. Delete. Stop. This cannot go out.
Ava: Oh, girl, it's out. It's up and out.
Janine: What?
Ava: And it's hot. These are OnlyFans numbers. I usually gotta show feet to go this viral. Barbara's gonna get everything she needs.
Janine: Ava, this is the grossest, most emotionally manipulative, exploitative thing I've ever seen in my life.
Ava: Thank you. I followed how they make the Pixar movies. It's a trick how they make you cry, but it works.
Janine: If Barbara sees this, I am gonna have to quit, completely start over, move to a small town, and then right when my tomato stand takes off, she's gonna be there... Barbara, trying to buy one, and it'll all be over!
Ava: Girl, tomatoes suck. Why are you worried about Barbara Howard seeing this? She's the most aggressively offline person I've ever met. She responded to my Paperless Post with her ATM code. But you know who will see it? Everybody else. [chuckles]

Janine: Man, how does this have so many views already?
Ava: This is crazy. I said this is what I do. I feel like you went to the plastic surgeon for a nose job and woke up like, "Why do I look different?"
Janine: Why does it say #BelieveScience, #RollTide, #BelieveAllWomen... #LockHerUp?
Ava: You said you wanted eyes on it. [chuckles] ♪ And I got eyes on it ♪
Janine: "Luke 14:13"?
Ava: Ooh, what he say?
Janine: It's a comment about helping the poor and sad and lame and crippled, sent by... [whispers] @Gimme10Inches.
Ava: Now, she got a huge following. This is great. [chuckles]

Janine: I feel that with a more challenging workload, Courtney will be much, much easier to handle, and she won't have time to distract her classmates.
Ava: Mm-hmm. Why does that sound so familiar? Oh. Hold up.
Melissa: [removes file] Part 3?
Ava: My bad, y'all. She was supposed to skip second grade, but they told me during Essence Fest. I missed a lot of paperwork during that month.
Janine: Isn't Essence Fest just a weekend?
Ava: Maybe for y'all.

Janine: Well, have a great day, Ava.
Ava: Don't tell me what kind of day to have. Getting all presumptuous and rude.
Sahar: Hey, Ava. I hope today shimmers for you.
Ava: You know what, Sahar? I think it will. [Sahar chuckles]

Zach: [to Jacob] Hey. There's my guy.
Ava: Black?!
Zach: It's actually pronounced "Zach." You must be Ava.
Ava: You were all thinking it. I see you. Don't look at me like that.
Barbara: We always look at you like this.