Melissa: Long weekends just delay the inevitable. It's still a Monday, even if it's masquerading as a Tuesday.

Ava: Damn, genetics are wild. You're cool and she... [off Vanetta's look] You would beat my ass, wouldn't you?
Vanetta: Hmm.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: The key to never getting your ass beat? Knowing when someone can beat your ass.

Ava: I just figured out where I know Janine's mom from: the club. We danced on the same tables. Cool people should have cool babies. It's not right what happened to that woman.

Ava: Melissa, girl, get in here. Jacob doing magic.
Jacob: And now, the unbreakable rings are apart. [Ava laughing]
Melissa: You're holding the rings where the gap is.
Jacob: Um, no.
Melissa: Yeah. Is that all you got, the cheap hand gimmicks? I've seen better at the boardwalk. I've seen a lot at the boardwalk.
Jacob: Okay, how about this? Pick a card, any card. Remember it. Don't show it to me. And then put it back. Was your card the five of hearts?
Melissa: No.
Jacob: Are you sure it wasn't the five of hearts?
Ava: The magic doesn't work if you lie, Melissa.
Melissa: I'm not lying. It was a queen of hearts. This is a racket.
[As Melissa walks away, the Queen of Hearts card is stuck to the back of her jacket. Ava and the class cry out in amazement.]
Jacob: The amazing Jacob has done it again!

Barbara: Gerald and I are going to South Jazz Cafe to hear a little... [scatting].
Ava: No days off for me. I'm meeting up with some of my fellow doomsday preppers to assemble hurricane kits.
Melissa: Oh, yeah, what's in the kit?
Ava: Two types of rum and [Jamaican accent] an assortment of island flavors.

Janine: Well, I, for one, can't wait because I'm going on a girl trip.
Melissa: You mean girls' trip?
Janine: No, girl trip, singular. I saved enough money to take myself to Ocean City.
Melissa: Jersey?
Janine: Maryland.
All: Ooh.
Barbara: So you're going on a trip by yourself?
Janine: Yep, just me and the stamps on my passport... metaphorically. I don't have one of those.

Janine: And before you start making fun of sad, little, no-friends Janine...
Barbara: It's wonderful, sweetheart.
Ava: Yeah, Janine, don't make fun of yourself. It makes it less fun for me when I do it. Okay, solo vacation.
Melissa: Hey, only solo vacation I ever took was when they sequestered the jury I was on. So good for you.
Janine: Okay, the support is supporting. I feel like I really need this.
Jacob: Go ahead, tell them what's on the independence docket.
Janine: Okay, so I'm going to the Princess Royale, which is a three-star hotel. But it has the confidence of four.
Ava: I only stay at five-star hotels. They become a six when I walk in.
Janine: And I'm thinking about booking a massage. I can afford either 20 minutes of a Swedish or 10 minutes of deep tissue.
Barbara: My advice: always go for quality over quantity.

Girl: Ms. Teagues, who's that?
Janine: Mom.
Vanetta: That's my baby. What's up, my baby's babies?

Vanetta: I hope y'all know y'all got the greatest teacher in the world. You want to know how I know? Because she learned from the best.
Janine: Mr. Rogers?
Vanetta: Me.
Janine: Oh.
Boy: Hi, Ms. Grandma Teagues.
Vanetta: Boy... I mean, oh, I'm nobody's granny, baby. Just call me Auntie Vanetta.
Janine: [laughs weakly] That doesn't make sense.

Janine: Mom. Hey, Mom. What are you doing here? I saw you called, and I tried to call you back. So...
Vanetta: Well, when you didn't answer, I got so worried, so I had to come and check on you.
Janine: We haven't spoken in, like, six months. How did you even get in? 'Cause you don't have a visitor's badge.
Vanetta: Oh, VIPs don't need badges, baby. We need refreshments. I'm thirsty. [school bell rings]
Janine: All right, guys, have fun at recess, okay? Be safe. Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom?
Vanetta: Yes?
Janine: Um, I'm gonna get you checked in.
Vanetta: Okay. Well, y'all kids behave now.