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Art Teacher

‘Art Teacher’

Season 1, Episode 7 - Aired February 8, 2022

Janine invites her friend from college to fill in for the newly retired art teacher. Meanwhile, Jacob enlists Barbara to start a school garden.

Quote from Gregory

Barbara: Jacob and I are starting a garden to grow some vegetables for the students.
Gregory: Oh, wow. That's really cool.
Jacob: We got an extra pair of gloves if you want in.
Gregory: No, thanks, I'm good. I mean, I appreciate it, though. Just the opposite of green thumbs over here.
[aside to camera:]
Gregory: In the '60s, my grandfather started a landscaping business, Eddie Lawn & Care. Then, in the '90s, my father took it over. Then, for the first 20 years of my life, I spent every single summer "vacation" planting, mowing, and raking. I cannot stand gardening.
[back:]
Gregory: You don't want to over water that one. From what I've heard.

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Quote from Gregory

Gregory: [aside to camera] Jacob and Barbara have no idea what they're doing. He was trying to plant a coconut in West Philadelphia in soil with a sub-6.3 pH. Bruh!

Quote from Gregory

Gregory: [aside to camera] Oh, they were absolutely killing everything. I don't think a single seed would have survived. I couldn't just sit there and watch that. It's like my dad always said. "A real man doesn't ignore the root of the problem. Now pick that hoe up!" I hate gardening so much.

Quote from Barbara

Barbara: Devin's right. We're being foolish.
Jacob: Barbara!
Barbara: I cannot believe that I let myself get carried away. Projects like this, they do not work in public schools. [gasps] I pulled a Janine.
Jacob: I still think there's a way to make...
Barbara: Mnh-mnh! Mnh! [walks off]
Jacob: It... work.

Quote from Ava

Janine: Well, have a great day, Ava.
Ava: Don't tell me what kind of day to have. Getting all presumptuous and rude.
Sahar: Hey, Ava. I hope today shimmers for you.
Ava: You know what, Sahar? I think it will. [Sahar chuckles]

Quote from Jacob

Jacob: I'm telling you, Twitch is more popular than TV. More people are actually watching Twitch than...
Barbara: Jacob, I am trying to oversee nutrition here.
Jacob: Oh, yeah, no, of course. Sorry. What about you, Devin? Who's your favorite streamer?
Devin: I'm busy, Caillou.
Jacob: [chuckles] Classic Devin.

Quote from Melissa

Janine: Oh, my goodness. Are these new?!
Melissa: You tell me.
Janine: Okay, um... No chocolate stains. No mildew. Look at this binding tension. Oh! How did you get these?
Melissa: I bought them.
Janine: With your own money? No favors?
Melissa: All me.
[aside to camera:]
Melissa: Oh, yeah, I've been doing this project for 15 years. It's the first thing I did that the kids really loved. Um... This one was from my first year. It's Styrofoam. I get they're bad for the environment, but you try floating pigs in a blanket across a hot tub on a paper plate.

Quote from Barbara

Jacob: I, uh... I bought some pre-sprouted plants to expedite the process. I thought we could have a space for veggies and one for fruits.
Barbara: Well, you know, I thought it might also be nice if we had a section for flowers too.
Jacob: Ah. One step ahead of ya.
Barbara: Lilies! Like my favorite movie, Lilies of the Field.
Jacob: Ah! You know what? They just don't make men like Sidney Poitier anymore. They... They don't.
Barbara: They most certainly do not. [both laugh]

Quote from Gregory

[When Gregory walks into the teachers' lounge, he has a soil stain on his shirt up near his shoulder]
Barbara: Oh, got a little schmutz there.
Gregory: Oh, a, uh... a kid sneezed on me.

Quote from Jacob

Jacob: Okay, you are gonna flip when you see. Go.
Barbara: Oh! It's breathtaking!
Jacob: It's like our own little Pandora. You know how like in Avatar when...
Barbara: No.
Jacob: It's okay. I guess we don't have to like all the same things all the time.

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