Dick: Ooh, Mary. I'm so sorry that I found something. I wish you were me.
Mary: It's not just you. I mean, people were pulling things up all day. And then when Dr. Powell found that ceremonial wedding moon. I would have killed to have found that.
Dick: [as Jimmy Stewart] What is it you want, Mary? Is it the moon? Is that it? Do you want the moon, Mary?

Dick: But tell me about it, Mary. What was it like? Tell me. C'mon. Tell me.
Mary: I've never found a single artifact in my whole damn life!
Dick: What?
Mary: Now you know. Are you happy?
Dick: Well, what about all those objects in the office? The coins. The pottery.
Mary: I bought them at airports.
Dick: Well, what about your prized Chuchubian death mask?
Mary: eBay.

Dick: We are going to have the best time together.
Mary: Whoa. Uh, Dick, I don't think I'm allowed to bring a guest.
Dick: Of course you are. This is a free country. That's exactly what the Indians fought for!
Mary: Gee, I don't think I could-
Dick: Oh, Mary, please. For years, you've been talking about all the digs you've been on, and all the stuff you've found. And for once in my life, I wanna see it, instead of being bored to tears, hearing about it.

Sally: Hey, what's with all the cars?
Tommy: The Rutherford Garlic Festival is this weekend. Dubcek's chargin' people $20 to park on her lawn.
Harry: Whoa. She charged me way more than that when I parked on her lawn.
Tommy: You didn't park on her lawn. You parked on her foot.
Sally: And she didn't charge you. She sued you.

Dick: [dressed as Indiana Jones] I just whipped a twig off a birch tree. Now let's go find ourselves a mummy! [whip snaps]

Tommy: Hey, it's great to see you, man. Now I know that regaining our trust will be difficult. But I think that snaking the bathtub drain is a good place to start.
Harry: Is that how you greet all your guests?
Tommy: I'm sorry?
Harry: I'd like a room. I'm checkin' in.
Sally: What are you talking about?
Harry: I'd like a New York Times on my doorstep every morning, with the crossword puzzle already filled out. For breakfast, I'd like a small glass of juice. Whichever kind you're out of. And I'd like to start with a nice warm bath.
Tommy: There's absolutely no way you're getting a room here.
Harry: "Dear Crown Travel Guide, The Inn at Solomon House stinks!"
Sally: I'll show you to your room.

Nina: Oh, how was your trip, Dr. Albright? Did you find anything?
Mary: I sure did. The low point of my life.
Nina: Let me guess, Dr. Solomon helped you find that.
Mary: Dr. Solomon? Oh, he's dead to me.
Nina: I knew you'd come around.

Mary: Dick, do you know who that was?
Dick: You've been on the phone for 10 minutes, Mary. You'd think you'd know who you were talking to.
Mary: It was Dr. Powell, the archeologist. He's leading a dig tomorrow at the Pawchuk Indian mounds, and he asked me to come.
Dick: You're going on an actual archeological dig? That sounds so exciting.
Nina: It sure does. Can I have tomorrow off?
Mary: No.

Man: Excuse me. We've been driving around for hours. Do you know of any hotels that have rooms?
Harry: I believe that all hotels have rooms.
Woman: A town shouldn't put on a garlic festival if they don't have adequate lodging. [huffs]
Tommy: Hey. Dick's gone. We could rent out his bed.
Harry: Whoa, wait a second. If we're gonna go that route, why not rent out the whole room?

Woman: When do you have breakfast?
Harry: Uh, usually about ten minutes after I get up.