Sally: So, Don, when are you going to torture him?
Don: No, no, he still has to go to trial.
Sally: So then you'll torture him at the trial?
Don: We don't work that way. Everyone has equal rights. That's the law.
Sally: Oh, Don, I thought I knew you, but we come from different worlds.
Don: No, we don't.
Sally: You come from a place filled with laws and rights and fair trials. I come from a place where the wind blows cold and the only thing you can count on is that you can't count on anything.
Don: You're from Chicago?
Sally: Good-bye, Don. It's too bad. We could've been great.
Don: Sally, you've got me all wrong. Uh, they brought me up on brutality charges. There's a video!

Dick: Tommy, look what I bought for you.
Tommy: A basketball?
Dick: I've decided that you should join your school's team.
Tommy: Why?
Dick: Because it's important that you experience the humiliation of adolescent boys at the hands of bitter adults trying to rewrite the failures of their youth. It'll be fun.

Dick: All right, who ripped the radio out of the dashboard?
Sally: What are you talking about?
Dick: The radio, it's gone.
Sally: Wait a minute, I know what's happened here. You see it all the time on the news.
Dick: Oh, uh... [stammers] toupees.
Sally: No, crime. We're victims of crime! What are we supposed to do now?
Dick: The radio's gone. I think we all know what we have to do.
All: [vocalize] [sing] Another one bites the dust Another one bites the dust And another one's gone and another one's gone Another one bites the dust.

Sally: Wow. [sniffs] I smell the fist of justice.
Harry: I smell doughnuts.
Sally: Can't you feel it, Harry? The stifling sense of order, the discipline, the almost robotic lack of emotion, the fluorescent lights? God help me. I love it.
Don: What can I do for you?
Sally: Just let me be near you.
Don: Okay. My name's Officer Don.

Tommy: Oh, well, that was the mall. Wasn't it great?
Harry: How would I know? The escalator broke down, and I was stuck there for an hour and a half.
Sally: You know, I think the entire planet should be covered by one big roof.
Dick: And we should never be more than 15 feet from a wienie on a stick.

Dick: This seems a bit extreme, Lieutenant.
Sally: With all due respect, High Commander, butt out. Security's my domain. I'll take the blame for the radio.
Dick: Oh, please.
Sally: No, no, no. I should have been guarding the rambler instead of shopping for loofahs.
Dick: You're overreacting.
Sally: Dick, I have been telling you this planet is in a bad neighborhood.
Dick: [sighs] We have been on far worse planets than this, inhabited by creatures with far worse breath. I mean, at least we're on a planet that's governed by laws. You're too distrustful of humans.
Sally: It's just those two little eyes right in the middle of their head makes 'em all look like they're up to something.

Harry: Hi. So what are you here for?
Man: Well, they picked me up for vagrancy, but that's not the real reason. I'm here because they know. They know I'm from the planet Clarion in the barred spiral on the Cepheus Draco border.
Harry: Do you know Steve?

Coach: Dear Lord, if it be within your great wisdom and mercy, please grant us the strength and courage to beat the hell out of the Central High Muskrats and-
Tommy: Excuse me, Coach.
Coach: We're in the middle of a prayer, Solomon.
Tommy: Yeah, but do you think we should be bothering God over a basketball game?
Coach: Well, this is important.
Tommy: Yeah, but the other team's praying, too. Oh, so our god is stronger than their god?
Coach: There's only one god, Solomon.
Tommy: Well, am I the only one seeing a conflict of interest here?
Coach: Yes!

Dick: Why, yes, I will have another transaction, and this time in Espanol. I'll be done in a minute. I just want to see what my limit is.
Man: Oh, take your time.
Dick: Look at this. I put the card in, and money comes out. Card in, money out. Oh! You see this? As much as I want over and over again. Isn't it amazing?
Man: Yeah. Now give it to me.
Dick: What? No, no, no. This is my money, but I'm sure you can have your own card-
Man: Quit foolin' around. I said, hand it over.
Dick: No, no, let me explain this to you again. This $300 is mine, just like the $100 I just put in my wallet.

Sally: This is all my fault. What was I thinking, letting you go out by yourself? A man who could steal a wallet is capable of anything. He could have put you in a vat of saline and harvested your organs over a period of months, forcing you to regenerate kidney after kidney after...
Dick: Will you stop!