Adult Dean: Being 12 in the '60s was the equivalent to being in your 20s today. We didn't have helicopter parents coddling us at all times like fragile teacups. That scar? [chuckles] Got it playing "Follow the Leader" through an abandoned construction site at recess. [gargling] That mouthwash? Uncut, would make you fail a Breathalyzer test.
Bill: [enters] Dean, I need you to ride your bike down to the store and pick me up a pack of smokes.
Adult Dean: I feel like I don't have to explain that one. Okay, so, my mom still laid out my outfits for me, but those polyester clothes, made from 100% petroleum? [scoffs] Kids used to burst into flames all the time.

Lillian: Thanks to that little tip you gave, I caught some kids getting fresh by the offering room.
Dean: [chokes] You did?
Adult Dean: Looks like my lie didn't turn out to be a lie. Look at God.
Lillian: Yes. Kids will be kids. But save that stuff for the cornfields and the haylofts, where it belongs.
Adult Dean: Mama grew up in the country. They got it in where they could.

Adult Dean: Going to church was also a part of growing up that's different now. The Black church is one of the most important institutions in American history. It's been a home that kept Black people unified during hard times, a social and political center that sparked historic movements, and a training ground for a generation of leaders and entertainers. So much of what makes Black culture unique comes from its roots in the Black church. And I grew up in a time when it was just a given that you went to church every Sunday. All three boring hours of it.

Lillian: Kim went to her lock-in and she really enjoyed herself. Tell your brother if he doesn't go, he's gonna be missing out.
Kim: You know, I actually had a great time at my lock-in. I got my first kiss that night.
Bill: Excuse me?
Kim: Mm-hmm. Craig Westfield. Mm, I had the biggest crush on Craig, and...
Bill: Kimberly Lanette Williams.
Adult Dean: I think our parents only gave us middle names so we'd know when we're in trouble.
Kim: What? It's boys and girls overnight without parents for the first time. And the Pastor always falls asleep after lights out. What do you expect to happen?
Bill: Who is this Craig boy?
Kim: Dad, it was like five years ago.
Bill: You said his last name is Westfield? Where is this phone book?
Kim: Hey, don't pin this all on me. Craig and I were not the only ones kissing that night.
Bill: Who else am I gonna pin it on?

Lillian: You know what? I think it'd be a great idea for me to chaperone.
Dean: Wait. Why would you do that?
Lillian: Because in this house, we lead by example, and it's been a really long time since I taught at Sunday school or even found myself on a committee at church, and if I'm gonna ask you to get involved, then I have to as well. Besides, it'll be something fun we can do together.
Adult Dean: Yes, Mama was engaging in a very specific type of blocking here.
Dean: Yeah. Fun.

Cory: I call dibs on Linda. Wait. Or maybe Tracy.
Hampton: Yeah. Tracy looks like marriage material.
Dean: I can take Keisa off the table.
Cory: Linda's taller. But Tracy has braces, too.
Norman: Metal on metal? That could be a bad scene.
Adult Dean: By the way, this is how Facebook starts in 40 years.

Norman: Keisa or Lori. Keisa or Lori. Keisa, Lori. Ah, I want Lori.
Dean: [exhales deeply] Good choice.
Norman: She did four curl-ups on the physical-fitness test.
Cory: Whoa, man, that's three more than you.
Norman: Good point. How about...

Adult Dean: I couldn't wait to tell my friends what my sister told me about the lock-in. It was gonna blow their minds.
Hampton: [pulls on his suspenders] Ow!
Adult Dean: I liked having Hampton around because he was so uncool, he made me look like Sidney Poitier. And then there was Norman. It felt good to be telling Norman something new because he was my friend who knew everything about adult matters. It wasn't until later that I learned he knew nothing.
[Norman has filled a crossword in with "Boob" and "Boobs"]

Cory: Hey, man, count me in.
Norman: Me too.
Hampton: Me three. My mom told me there's Bible Jeopardy. We could demolish.
Dean: No, Hampton. We're going because of the girls.
Hampton: The girls. Yeah.

Simon: [on film] Thank you, my son... but death is better than bondage, for my days are ended and my prayer unanswered.
Adult Dean: Bruh, I can relate.