Lillian: What's wrong with being yourself?
Adult Dean: "Just be yourself." Ageless wisdom that's just as true now as it has ever been. Nah, buddy, she was gonna have to come harder than that today.
Dean: You kidding me?! You have no idea what seventh grade is like! That will never work! I've been myself all year, all my life, and where has it gotten me?
Bill: Watch your tone.
Lillian: [sighs] It's okay, Bill. Let him speak his mind.
Dean: And, of course, you would think "just be yourself" would work. You're always yourself, and people love you for it.
Bill: [to Lillian] The whooping window is closing. Pretty soon it's gonna be more for me than him.

Dean: Sorry, Keisa, but Broderick already made plans to come to my house. If you still wanna see the U.S.S. Enterprise.
Broderick: Is that okay?
Keisa: I guess.
Adult Dean: That's right, Keisa. Your plans with your boyfriend just got Spock-blocked. [chuckles] Oh, please, come on, y'all know y'all liked that one.

Adult Dean: Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of plastic model glue. I liked the smell so much, I only remember half the models I built with it. What was I saying?

Cory: You guys have the house to yourselves? Cool.
Norman: That'd never happen with my mom and dad.
Hampton: Even if my parents weren't there, I still wouldn't be alone. My Granny's ghost talks to me through the oven.
Adult Dean: Man, looking back now, I sure wish we'd dug in on that a little more. Eh, oh, well.

Brad: Yeah, well, I can't Saturday. I have to go to a bris.
Dean: What's that?
Brad: It's a ceremony for the thing Norman never had done.
Norman: You're not supposed to look.
Adult Dean: Everybody looks.

Adult Dean: And just when I thought it couldn't get any crazier...
Cory: [to girl] Of course... I love Maya Angelou. And all the other Supremes. [strokes "mustache"]
Dean: [sighs] Yeah, excuse me, I-I need to talk to my friend.
Girl: Hmm.
Cory: Dean, what are you doing, man? She was into me. This better be good.
Dean: She's 17. I doubt she's into you.
Cory: Yeah? Then why was she staring at my 'stache?

Adult Dean: In philosophy class in college, I studied the Prisoner's Dilemma. But growing up with siblings, I already knew the best strategy was to sing like a canary.

Adult Dean: Even though the term "cool" wasn't invented in the '60s, it was perfected then. It seems like everything was cool. Our cars, our fashion, our music. Even our White presidents were cool. But growing up then, you knew there was a big difference between who was cool and who wasn't.
[Students laugh as Dean falls off his chair in the cafeteria]
Cory: Sorry about Keisa, Dean.
Brad: Yeah, it stinks she has a new boyfriend.
Norman: Look at this way. She clearly likes cool dudes, so you never really had a chance.

[As Bill sits reading the newspaper at the kitchen table, Dean closes his school book at the other end of the table]
Bill: Double-check that last problem.
Dean: Uh, h-how'd you...
Bill: It sounded wrong.

Bill: I'd love for you to work at the only Black accounting firm in town.
Lillian: They have a receptionist with a natural.
Bill: Shut your mouth.
Lillian: [laughs] Yes, they do! Whoo! Ooh!
Dean: I know exactly how you feel, Mama. I was invited to hang with someone cool, too. He's actually Keisa's new boyfriend. And he thinks I'm funny.
Bill: That is the saddest thing I ever heard.
Lillian: That is not even remotely the same.
Bill: He owes you an apology, if you ask me.