Dean: Is that Green Acres?!
Big Jim: Nope. Morning farm report on the news. You wanna watch?
Dean: A show about a farm that doesn't have a pig who can drive? No, thanks.

Granddaddy Clisby: Yeah. Now, doesn't that feel better? [chuckles]
Adult Dean: It actually did help with the itching. And my skin felt amazing! Never been so soft and supple.
Bill: I can smell y'all from inside.
Granddaddy Clisby: Well, that means it's working.
Bill: It does make me a little nostalgic for home.
Granddaddy Clisby: Mm-hmm!
Dean: [chuckles] Hey, Dad, maybe you should put some on. Then the three of us could... [flies buzz] Oh, no! Here come the flies! They bite! They bite! Eyes! Not the eyes!

Cory: So, O Wise Dean, what do you think Keisa's gonna think of that?
Brad: Or your new best friend Broderick?
Dean: If Broderick or Keisa still thinks I like her, then it could ruin our delicate symbio...
Cory: Ah!
Dean: Balance. Our balanced, three-way relationship. Quick, Norman, give me your yearbook.
Norman: What are you doing?
Dean: If I write "love you" in everyone's yearbooks, then it's just Dean being Dean. Then I can say it's my "thing." Hey, Stephanie, love ya. Tyler, love ya, too. Hey, Coach, love ya.
Coach Wright: I'll see you in detention.

Adult Dean: Now that I'd figured out that my bag was being "The Great Uniter," I couldn't wait to get started.
Dean: Hey, Mark. Uh, what's happening, Chad? How's it going, Quentin?
Cory: Hey, Black Jesus, mellow out, man. You're trying too hard.
[Dean puts on his glasses while trying not to attract attention]
Keisa: It's okay. My mom's making me wear these. Pantyhose. [sighs] Yuck.
Dean: Yeah. Yuck.
Keisa: Anyway, your glasses are cute.
Adult Dean: She'd just basically said I looked like Billy Dee Williams in my glasses. This was the perfect time to tell her that I've loved her since I sat next to her on the first day of first grade.

Michael: Hey, Four Eyes! Can you look to my house and tell me what's on the TV? [laughter]
Adult Dean: Now, no one in school knew how old Michael Simms was. Some people said he had a son at another school. Others said he'd already done a tour in 'Nam. Bullies back then benefited from us not having Google to fact-check.
Coach Long: Shut up, Free Lunch!
Michael: Yo mama on free lunch.
Students: Ooh.
Mrs. Hodges: What's all the fuss back there?
Girl: Somebody said "yo mama."
Mrs. Hodges: Now, that's something that the Black students do that the white students don't. You ought to be like these three. [points to Dean, Cory and Keisa] Their parents send them here to learn.
Brad: Hey, she's not prejudiced.
Adult Dean: But was she? In my memory, she was. But she also gave some of us Black students extra attention if she thought we had potential, which may still have been racist. I don't know.

Lillian: [to Bill] I never say anything about your work friends. That's not fair, and you know it.
Dean: What's not fair?
Bill & Lillian: Stay out of grown folks' business.
Dean: No.
Bill: Did you just tell us no?
Lillian: Have you lost your natural mind?
Bill: Boy, what has gotten into you?
Adult Dean: I wanted to tell them about the kids on the bus and the white kids at school and Michael Simms and Mrs. Hodges and that Kim went in Mama's purse and snuck out last night. But I realized it was actually more than that. What came out surprised me as much as it did them.
Dean: I feel different everywhere I go, no matter who I'm around. And I know I'll always be different. But when I'm with Cory and Brad and we all feel different, I finally get to feel the same as everybody else. That's why I want to play.
Adult Dean: Brad would later tell me that trying to make myself feel better by making everybody feel as uncomfortable as me was the most Jewish thing I'd ever done.
Dean: Fine. You two do whatever you want.
Adult Dean: That was the first time I'd stood up to my dad and the first time I realized just how scary it can be to get what you want.

Adult Dean: Mama and Daddy thought Kim's boyfriend was a bad influence. I think that's why she liked him.
Lillian: Our house, our rules. If there were ever a time for us to be eating dinner together, it's now.
Kim: [sighs] That's your solution for everything... let's eat together. Ugh. I just lost my appetite.
Adult Dean: The way I saw it, we should have just been happy somebody liked her back.
Dean: [picks up phone] Hey, Kwame? You might want to call back. No, I'm thinking next year. You're very welcome.

Dean: Why are we here?
Kim: I wanted you to see that some brothers and sisters are actually doing something to honor Dr. King.
Dean: Do I need money? I have 50 cents in my sock.
Kwame: Ah, there she is. Yeah, come here real quick. [kisses Kim]
Dean: Hi!
Kwame: You sure he can hang?
Kim: He's hipper than you think.
Adult Dean: Sure was. I lied before. I actually had 75 cents in my sock. [laughing] I ain't no sucker.

Adult Dean: Yep, just two guys fishing, content not to have all the answers.
Cory: Dean, this is boring.
Dean: I know. For some reason, it just seems to work when my dad does it.
Adult Dean: Daddy didn't tell me that you can't force moments like the one we had earlier. Unfortunately, he also didn't tell me that he didn't technically have permission to fish on Old Man Seagram's lake.
Old Man Seagram: [o.s.] Hey! What are you kids doing here?!
Dean: Run!
Old Man Seagram: [o.s.] I'll skin your teeth! Gladys! It's those Williamses again! First the pappy, then the mama. Now the egg-head son's trespassing... ...with some other boy that looks high! Get my rock salt!

Dean: Okay, Cory, if you trade Brad your Jim Fregosi, Brad can trade Sam his Bill Freeman, and I'll just take this Hank Aaron, I guess. I think we have a deal here, fellas.
Brad: Wait, who are you giving up?
Dean: Well, I really don't want to do this, but I guess I can get rid of my Bert Campaneris.
Brad: Who's Bert Campaneris?
Dean: Who's Bert Campaneris? [chuckles] Only the utility infielder for the Oakland A's that hit .232 with four doubles and six hit by pitches last season.
Cory: I don't know, man. My mom told me not to trade with you anymore after you took that Willie Mays card off my hand because he "ruined it" by signing it.
Dean: Oh, I'm sorry. Am I trading with Cory or Cory's mom? Do you ask your mom to cut your steak, too?
Cory: Well, yeah, actually. She does it the best.
Brett: I'll take the Bert Campaneris.
Dean: Finally. Someone who's his own man. Now, let's see, who do I want in return? Carl Yes-sturm-ski? That's a weird name. Guess I could take this one off your hands.