Adult Dean: In Alabama, what most people called "spring break" was called A.E.A. It had something to do with a week-long teachers conference, blah, blah, blah, blah. All we cared about was no school. Lots of my friends went on trips with their families to the mountains or the beach, but I was gonna spend my vacation in my happy place... On the couch, in front of the TV. I planned to eat cereal till my teeth fell out and watch cartoons till my eyeballs fell out. Basically, if something didn't fall out, I failed. [music stops]
Lillian: Get dressed, Dean.
Bill: And pack your suitcase.
Dean: W-What? It's my vacation. I've been looking forward to it for weeks.
Lillian: Change of plans. We're going to visit Grandpa and Grandma's farm.
Dean: We're going to the country?! Why?!
Adult Dean: Contrary to popular belief, there's a difference between growing up in "the South" and growing up in "the Country." I did the former. My mom and dad did the latter. This is how I grew up. [toilet flushes] And this was them. [picture of an outhouse] My groceries. [pack of chicken] Their groceries. [girl surrounded by chickens] My chores. [vacuum cleaner] Their chores. [Black people picking cotton] Okay, that last one may have been over a hundred years ago, but that's how old they seemed to me. My point... We were not the same.

Pearl: I mean, some of us have TVs, but not ones we can watch all the time.
Dean: We have four.
Buster: Whoa! There's only one place I know with that many.
Dean: Where?
[cut to Dean, Buster and Pearl standing in front of an electronics store:]
Dean: That's the episode where Mrs. Kravitz thinks Darrin and Samantha have a baby. My neighbor in Montgomery, Ms. Stringer, is nosy just like that. Ooh! And that's the one where Gomer and Sergeant Carter lose the Colonel's dog. I'm not saying they stole the idea, but same thing happened to me and my friend Cory. Oh, and that? That's The Mod Squad, where they catch car thieves. Just like the crime in Montgomery.

Big Jim: Mm, mm. Transmission fluid tastes burnt. Could be a crack in the fluid line.
Bill: Don't worry. It won't hurt him. But too much of this will definitely make you go blind. [both laugh]
Adult Dean: Years later, when I took a sip from Grandpa's flask, I got the joke. Then I threw up and passed out.

Dean: Is that Green Acres?!
Big Jim: Nope. Morning farm report on the news. You wanna watch?
Dean: A show about a farm that doesn't have a pig who can drive? No, thanks.

Lillian: Your Grandpa called and said he needed my help with something. And as you know, family always comes first.
Dean: But I-I planned out my whole week. There's a good episode of The Beverly Hillbillies. Jethro gets a pet kangaroo. Grandma and Grandpa don't even have a TV. It's so boring there.
Lillian: Don't you dare call my parents "boring." It's been a minute since we visited, and it'd be good for you to spend some time with them.
Adult Dean: Don't get me wrong... I loved Grandma Bessie and Big Jim, especially when they visited us. But going to the country was a pain.
Bill: And the fresh air will do you good.
Dean: [sighs] I hate the fresh air.
Lillian: Oh, please don't say that in front of my mother. She doesn't need any more ammunition to judge my parenting.

Bill: You two have a complicated relationship.
Lillian: Well, it's tricky with mothers and daughters.
Kim: I'm all packed.
Lillian: If that little piece of cloth is what you call "clothing," then clearly, I need to check everything else in your little suitcase.
Kim: What? You don't trust me to do anything.
Lillian: If you're referring to that trip with your friends, then the answer's still no.
Kim: I'm going to college soon. Why can't you let me go away for one weekend? What's the difference?
Lillian: The difference is college is not in the back of a van driven by a boy named Kwame.

Bill: And pack your boots. You're gonna be helping your Grandpa in the fields.
Adult Dean: And just like that, my dreams of a week off from school were shattered. Instead, I was going to experience two of the unhappiest words in the English language... "No TV."

Dean: Um... baseball, I guess. If we make the finals, we get to play in Paterson Field, where the Montgomery Rebels play.
Buster: Oh. Hmm.
Dean: Yeah, my team's really counting on me. I bat around .800. I just made my third All-Star team.
Buster: Whoa, cool!
Adult Dean: All right, all right, I was basically describing my brother Bruce, but these kids would never know that.
Dean: Yep, I got some high school coaches interested in me. [time lapse] Of course I have a girlfriend! Her name's Keisa. She's the prettiest girl in school. Crazy about me. [time lapse] Sure, I go to concerts all the time. I even get a chance to play with my dad's band whenever he needs a soloist.

Adult Dean: As we got comfortable with each other, my cousins shared details of their "embellished" lives.
Buster: Well, that's cool. We mostly do stuff outdoors. Like jumping our dirt-bikes off that 20-foot hill.
Pearl: The mounts aren't back yet, but the taxidermist says it's the biggest buck he's ever seen.
Buster: When I turn 14 next month, I'm gonna get my driver's license.
Dean: No way.
Buster: They call it an agricultural license. So we can drive tractors on the road and stuff. Motorcycles, too.
Adult Dean: Okay, that actually sounded legit. And pretty cool. I had to keep up!
Dean: [laughs] Uh, yeah, my dad's teaching me to drive right now. So he can send me out for a pack of smokes whenever he needs to.
Big Jim: Your dad, Bill Williams, teaching you to drive now?
Dean: Granddad. [looks pleadingly at Big Jim]
Big Jim: Right, right. Of course he is. [chuckles]

Dean: You guys make your bikes yourselves?
Buster: Yeah, there's always parts lying around.
Dean: Oh. I just get a new bike whenever I outgrow my old one.
Big Jim: You mean whenever you outgrow Bruce's old one? [Dean chuckles nervously]