Nellie: Oh, this is a lovely pen. Ah. But, it's mine now because I stole it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Gimme that.
Nellie: Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been theft. That means, you're not serious or... someone's getting their hand cut off.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're insane.
Nellie: I know. So, it's better that you pick another charity.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you.
Nellie: In that case, you... [pulls out a cleaver] will have to chop off my hand.

Andy: Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.
Nellie: Thank you, Andy.
Andy: I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.

Jim: We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancé's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé.

Erin: Oh, Pete, you've got mail.
Pete: Really? I got something?
Erin: Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail.
Clark: Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service.
Erin: Yeah, I'm alternating.
Clark: [to Erin] Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election... thing is crazy, right?
Pete: It's open.
Erin: Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter.

Jim: I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um... Actually, I did tell Pam and we decided "no". But, then I decided "yes, anyway". So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be.

Jim: Thanks for inviting us, by the way.
Roy: Are you kidding?
Jim: That was- That was a surprise.
Roy: Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bullet on that one. Just kidding.
Jim: You're welcome.

Jim: By the way, man, this place is beautiful.
Roy: Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off?
Jim: Gravel company?
Roy: Yeah. What about you? What are you doing?
Jim: Not gravel, obviously. No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So-

Clark: [on the phone] Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. [covers phone's receiver] Erin, do you know anybody that might want... [has realization] Oh my gosh. You love the news, right?
Erin: Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad.
Clark: Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind.
Pete: Uh, is it Duncan?

Roy: So, uh, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And, today, I have a surprise for you. [approaches piano]
Jim: He plays piano?
Pam: No. Roy? No.
Roy: You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it. [sits in front of piano]
Darryl: [clapping] You got this, Roy.
[Roy begins playing and singing Billy Joel's "She's Got a Way About Her"]

Pam: We still surprise each other.
Jim: Definitely.
Pam: You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you with-
Jim: Courtside seats. Sixers.
Pam: Yes. But, what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was-
Jim: It was an away game.
Pam: In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams.