Jim: [in the kitchen] Oh, here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement? And bought the winning numbers the next day? And then, played the tape for me the next week, and I-
Pam: And you thought you guys were millionaires.
Jim: You heard that one.
Pam: Yes. But there's, wait, oh, there's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember.
Jim: That I thought we were millionaires.
Pam: Thought you were millionaires, yeah. That's funny. Shoot, I knew that one.
Jim: That's all right.

Angela: The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next. [Oscar chokes on his coffee]
Jim: You all right? [Oscar nods]

Dwight K. Schrute: This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most.
Nellie: I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands.
Dwight K. Schrute: Sounds like a plan.

Andy: Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition?
Clark: Uh... A couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe- No, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut.
Andy: Really?
Clark: Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those panty hose with the seam up the back.
Pete: Seems unnecessary for an audition.
Clark: And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes but I probably got one she can borrow at my place, so...
Andy: Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff.
Clark: I absolutely will do that.

Andy: I love it. It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name.
Erin: For Channel 11 news, I'm Erin Hannon.
Andy: Pause after 'news'.
Erin: For Channel 11 news... I'm Erin Hannon.
Andy: No, pause longer.
Darryl: That was a good one.
Andy: Pause- Pause longer. Okay? Builds suspense. Don't be shy.
Erin: Got it. For Channel 11 news...
Andy: Wha, it's-
Erin: I'm Erin Hannon.

Pam: Well, here's something you don't know. A couple of weeks ago-
Jim: Uh-huh.
Pam: I ran into this guy from my high school who has just gotten divorced and he hit on me. In the mall. And I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I felt embarrassed. And, I didn't know if you would be mad or worried. But, anyway, I thought you'd want to know.
Jim: ... That didn't happen. You would've told me right away.
Pam: Yeah, I would've. What about you? Come on, there's gotta be something. Between your birth and the last two days, something you just haven't had the chance to tell me.
Jim: Uh...
Pam: Just tell me.
Jim: God, give it up, Beesley. You know me too well.

Pete: Hey, um, I knew something bothered me and I finally figured it out. What news producers are gonna want to see is how Erin relates to the other people on the news team.
Erin: Oh.
Pete: The weird thing is Erin is doing the audition alone.
Erin: Oh God.
Pete: Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host... he's already doing camera. Someone who's already got rapport with Erin, maybe. I don't know. [Andy smiles to camera]

Darryl: It's getting late. I thought you guys could use a little inspiration.
Nellie: [Darryl hits play] Oh, a movie. What is this?
Darryl: 127 hours. It's about this guy who-
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no. No spoilers. Please.
Darryl: My bad.

Clark: What're you doing here?
Pete: Sorry, man. Andy thought Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied.

Erin: The victim was released from the hospital with second-degree burns.
Andy: Wow. You know what they say Erin. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Erin: Well, he tried to but the fire door was blocked.
Andy: He sure did.