TV Quotes

Creed: In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.

Kevin: Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles. So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then, one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already dead. Probably when I ran over him the first time.

Dwight K. Schrute: Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.
Clark: [emotional] Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.

Andy: Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but, uh, I'm related to Michelle Obama.
[Clark and Peter clap; together to camera:]
Pete: Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.
Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.
Pete: Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point.
Clark: Just clap through it, man.