Jim: There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, they whipped people, which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Hide
Jim: Yeah [laughs, then notices camera] Not that they're not smart people.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence.
Jim: I'd go with that.
Dwight K. Schrute: Like baboons or elephants.
Jim: Not that.

Andy: So Darryl says to me "fire me", but what he really means is, "I'm gonna say something really weird, try to figure out what it means." So I say, "No, you're not fired." But what I really mean is, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better." I really hope that's what he and I mean.

Darryl: Would you just fire me, man?
Andy: Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy?
Darryl: You wanna make me happy? Huh?
Andy: Yeah.
Darryl: Give me your job.
Andy: Haha, what?
Darryl: I'll do it better than you. I earned it. I deserve it. I got passed over, God knows why. Reasons I cannot and will not understand. The job was mine Andy. Everyone said it was mine. Make me manager or fire me.
Andy: I'm not gonna give you my job. It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy, to replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that.
Nate: Also, Darryl, FYI, I already told this to Andy, but uh, you should probably know I technically don't have a hearing problem, it's just when there's a lot of noises...
Andy: Nate! Please....thank you. [to Darryl] You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under Deangelo, what happened to that?
Darryl: He died.
Andy: He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it?

Oscar: Can you believe this?
Erin: There's a dog in the car.
Oscar: You can't leave a dog in a parked car. Snowboarder, it figures.
Jim: Do Snowboarders hate animals?
Oscar: I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in the car.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, you know what? I'm gonna give him something to drink. Come here, doggy. Come on.
Jim: Dwight! At least aim it.
Dwight K. Schrute: There you go! Here doggy! He's not even trying. Come here doggy, come on.
Andy: We're losing cloud cover.
Kelly: Oh, don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick.
Darryl: Hey, hey, hey. Vick did his time.

Darryl: [answering phone] Hello? ... Justine! [laughs] Nice surprise! How you doin' baby? Nah. No, no, I didn't win. When I got promoted I stop- What? Yeah. Yeah, Glenn won. Oh, you wanna call him? Yeah, you should call him. Congratulate him, that'll be- What? Oh, his number's in your old phone. Oh, you know what? I might have it right- [hangs up] Whoops.

Jim: I mean, I don't even know what I'd do with all that money.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know what you'd do with all that money. [imitating Jim] "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug."
Jim: No, I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop.
Pam: And then on the weekends, would you hacky sack back to reality and spend time with your wife and kids?
Jim: Whoa. Saucy. I thought you liked Maine?

Pam: I think we should get a townhouse in SoHo...
Ryan: SoHo's mostly lofts, but okay.
Pam: And then every morning, I'd walk out on to my terrace and I would breathe in the inspiration of the city. You know? And just gather ideas for my painting...
Kelly: Oh, god.
Pam: And then my handsome husband-
Jim: Which ideally would be me.
Pam: Would bring me a flavored coffee.
Jim: Stop. I'm a barista in your fantasy?
Pam: Well, in your fantasy we're Stephen King characters.
Jim: I don't know about Stephen King, I mean...

Andy: Are you kidding me?! Guys, if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. [lowers voice] To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. [normal voice] Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys?

Andy: Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in?
Erin: As long as you guys don't need me up here.
Phyllis: No, we don't
Dwight K. Schrute: I think we'll be fine.
Oscar: Really, nobody's gonna help her? Is chivalry dead?
Andy: Are you volunteering?
Oscar: Of course. I would. But my hip... I would kill to be at a hundred percent.