Oscar: Okay, we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous.
Andy: Oscar, it's not that hot out.
Darryl: A car parked in the sun is like a toaster oven.
Andy: Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight.
Kelly: So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag?

Kevin: Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.

Jim: So, uh, who's gonna take the dog?
Oscar: Why would we take the dog?
Jim: What if he jumps out the window and runs away?
Oscar: Jim, he's not gonna star- [Dog lunges for the open window]
Meredith: Whoa!
Oscar: Shh! Shh! Stay there, stay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Nein. Sit. Gut.
Jim: Oscar, what do you wanna do, this is kinda your deal. You wanna dog?
Oscar: [Oscar pokes holes in cardboard now taped over window] There we go. That should do it.

Andy: The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit! And no one else can focus. This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things.

Darryl: When I worked in the warehouse, I was part of that lotto pool. They won ... playing my birthday.

Oscar: What really interests me is the group dynamic of six people winning the lottery. This will not end well. Right?
Phyllis: Yeah.
Meredith: We're lookin' at at least one suicide and one weird sex thing.
Oscar: At least.

Andy: Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl. [no one laughs] What? No Newhart fans?

Andy: Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off?
Darryl: You mean what did we do the last time the warehouse won the lottery?
Female Applicant: Your old crew won the lottery?
Andy: Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system?
Male Applicant 1: Wait, wait. So all the old guys quit?
Darryl: Oh, yeah.
Andy: Well-
Darryl: One of 'em, Glenn, is starting one of those fat camps where he steals your kid in the middle of the night. Madge and a couple other guys might start a strip club, but on a boat. And Hide is investing in an energy drink for Asian homosexuals.

Andy: Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor.
Darryl: Why do you wanna work here?
Male Applicant 1: I need a job.
Darryl: That's not a good reason.
Andy: Good. Keeping 'em honest.
Darryl: Don't just take the first job that comes your way. 'cause next thing you know, it's ten years later and you're still there. Could write your obituary tomorrow, it's not gonna change.
Andy: Are we scaring them straight?
Darryl: I hope so. Think about this carefully. There's better lives than this one.

Ryan: Can you make ten copies of this for me?
Pam: No.
Ryan: Why not? What are you doing?
Pam: Uh, buying lottery tickets online.
Ryan: [laughs] Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it.
Pam: You came in at 10:30 today, right?