Ryan's assistant: You have a call from Eddie Murphy.
Ryan: [answering the phone] Hello?
Michael Scott: Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! [laughing] I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello, Ry.
Ryan: What?
Michael Scott: Okay, calm down. I just have a small problem.
Ryan: I told you not to call about small problems.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Well, when I call about big problems, you don't like that either, so make up your mind, kiddo.

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Here is the deal. The ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box and sort of ignoring my ideas.
Ryan: That's good. They're creative, you're not.
Michael Scott: I'm creative, Ryan.
Ryan: It's not part of your job. It's like, maybe you can cook, but that doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.
Michael Scott: Well, actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. "Mike's Cereal Shack." I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store.
Ryan: Okay. I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skill set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right? But I'm good at managing people who do sales.
Michael Scott: Are you? I don't think you're doing such a great job here, suppressing ideas and creativity.

Michael Scott: Hey, guys. You know what? We cannot shoot this ad today.
Koh: Okay, when should we come back?
Michael Scott: How about never hundred hours, sir?

Kevin: I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be kool-aid man.

Darryl: [playing keyboard and singing] Out of paper Out of stock There's friendly faces around the block Break loose from the chains that are causing you pain Call Mike and Stanley Jim, Dwight, and creed Call Indian Kelly for your business paper needs [Creed, Andy, Kevin and Kelly join in] Call Dunder Mifflin people person's paper people Dunder Mifflin people person's paper

Andy: Break me off a piece of that lumber tar- Snickers bar

Michael Scott: What, Phyllis?
Phyllis: [sobbing] Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book. On my turn, I asked her if she wanted to be in the ad, and she said "No, thank you," but I wasn't supposed to take "no" for an answer.
Michael Scott: That a girl.
Phyllis: So I kept on asking, and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends.
Michael Scott: Did you or did you not get Sue Grafton?
Phyllis: [wailing] No.
Michael Scott: Oh. Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue, please?

Pam: [waking up, answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Jim: Good morning. Yeah, sorry. I looked away for a second, and Creed snatched your hash browns.
Pam: Thank you.
Jim: You're welcome.

Pam: I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.

Andy: Let me pour you some bubbly, because somebody got to a whole new level last night.
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy, I can't hear this right now.
Andy: No, no, this is good. You know how we haven't gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night that changed. We're making out. I'm kissing her neck, and her cheek, and her earlobe. And she's not really kissing me back, but she closes her eyes and she's, like, "Oh, D. Oh, D."
Dwight K. Schrute: She called you D?
Andy: Yeah. D for Andy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, D.
Andy: Oh, D.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, D.
Andy: Oh, D.
Both: Oh, D. [laughing] Oh, D!