Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, why are you limping?
Michael Scott: I don't know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let's get some raw meat on that face. I got a chicken in the freezer upstairs.

Dwight K. Schrute: Good, good. Keep it on there for another five minutes. Just let the swelling go down.
Michael Scott: Oh, thank you. Thanks. I owe you one, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fire Jim.
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm cashing in the favor. Fire him.
Michael Scott: What are you talking about?
Dwight K. Schrute: Do it. Promote me. Tri-managers.
Michael Scott: Forget that.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can I have an office?
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what you can keep your stupid favor. It's worthless. And this is my dinner on your face. I'm keeping it.

Erin: These are amazing. You took all these?
Ryan: I've always found beauty in uncommon places. Homeless people. Graffiti. Photography lets me capture all that. Have you ever been photographed before?
Erin: Oh, just by like friends.
Ryan: Well, here's what I've been doing around here. It's for a series on exposure in the workplace.

Dwight K. Schrute: Pam, would you care for a bagel?
Pam: Oh, no thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's right. You're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I'll try again. Please Pam, reconsider and have a bagel.
Pam: I have an early lunch.

Angela: Pam, aren't you going to introduce us to Michael's girlfriend?
Pam: I think you guys all remember my mom from the wedding.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I think everyone has meet Helene. Shall we?

Helene: Tell her how you gave it to me.
Michael Scott: No, that wouldn't be-
Helene: He put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. What a nice way to wake up.
Michael Scott: Yeah. The rest of the story has been censored due to inappropriosity.
Kevin: Because of sex?
Michael Scott: Hey!
Pam: Kevin!
Michael Scott: Please, Kevin. You're fired.

Michael Scott: Shall we go?
Pam: Yes, let's go. [looks at Erin and nods]
Erin: Oh, wait. Um, Swartz Lumber is on the phone for you, Pam, and they say it's urgent.
Pam: Oh, you guys. Just one second. [picks up phone] Oh my gosh! Are you serious? Shipping emergency. I don't think I can go to lunch.
Jim: Oh man, that's crazy. Right as we were on our way out too.
Pam: I know. Isn't that always how it goes?
Jim: Rarely. If ever. Let me give it a whirl. I'll talk to them.
Pam: I want to handle it.
Jim: That's okay.
Pam: I feel like it's-
Jim: It's my pleasure. [takes phone from Pam] Hello? Well that's great. [hangs up phone] Turns out the paper was there all along.
Creed: [sighs] Oh, thank God.

Helene: So, Pammy, are you still liking sales?
Pam: Yeah, it's exciting.
Helene: Well, you know, Michael and I were talking, and maybe if you put a little more face to face time with your clients you could improve your sales.
Jim: Pam's sales are fine actually.
Michael Scott: Just want you to succeed Pammy. You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today.

Dwight K. Schrute: You know, here's a healthy fitness tip. If you clench your buttocks together while walking you can really take the pressure off your knees.
Andy: Is that right?
Dwight K. Schrute: Observe.
Andy: Huh.
Dwight K. Schrute: Right?
Andy: That really works.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, feel free to use that. Anytime.

Andy: Hey. Oh, hold on a second. Do not walk around with your jacket cattywampus.
Dwight K. Schrute: [straightens Andy's tie] And that needs to be straight as an arrow.
Andy: Whoa, thank you very much. [takes off Dwight's glasses and blows on them] Oh boy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you very much for that.
Andy: [puts Dwight's glasses back on Dwight's face] You are very welcome.
Dwight K. Schrute: [pulls out Andy's chair] Have a seat. Allow me.
Andy: [pulls out Dwight's chair] Have a seat yourself.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? I am going to preemptively change the batteries in your wireless mouse.
Andy: Not necessary.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, no! [runs away with Andy's mouse]
Andy: You didn't have to do that.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy is complicating things. But I'm not worried. This will only up my game.