Michael Scott: Wow look at this place. Really makes me want to go to Italy some day.
Helene: Oh, you'll love it. You can have my guide books. I think I'm done with those really long plane rides.
Michael Scott: Oh. Thank you. Thanks for lending me the books.

Pam: So, mom, which birthday are we celebrating this year?
Helene: [laughs] Sticking with 49.
Pam: 49 again? That's nine years in a row. This is now our longest family tradition.
Michael Scott: That's funny.
Helene: Well, as long as you're running numbers Pam, then help me out with this one. Let's see your six months pregnant, but you've only been married for 30 days, so what does that add up to?
Jim: Ooh, burn. Burn on you. And a little bit on me, too.

Pam: Mom, have you decided what you want to be called?
Helene: Oh, well I like Nana, but I also like the classic Grandma.
Pam: Please be Grandma.
Jim: Definitely Grandma.
Pam: I want you to be Grandma.
Helene: Oh, Michael what do you think? Grandma?
Michael Scott: [nods uncomfortably] That.
Pam: Yay, Grandma!

Michael Scott: Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, do you think?
Pam: Maybe.
Michael Scott: Helene?
Helene: Oh, oh no. I don't think so.
Michael Scott: I am. I'm definitely going to do it. I've already got the run and the bike thing down. Just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in?
Helene: No, no, I think a triathlon is pretty much something I can rule out. It just- Doesn't interest me.
Michael Scott: So it's a matter of interest. Good, okay. It's not anything you would have ever done.
Helene: Hmm. I might have done it when I was younger, but now there's just other things I'd rather be doing than running and jumping and swimming.
Michael Scott: Well there's no jumping in a triathlon.
Helene: Oh.
Michael Scott: You're thinking of the broad jump. Would you try bungee jumping?
Helene: No, no.
Michael Scott: Snowboarding?
Helene: You want to go snowboarding?
Michael Scott: I might. I might.

Pam: What about your gift Michael?
Michael Scott: Oh, no, no, no. No. It's stupid. You'd hate it. I hate it.
Helene: I'm sure I won't.
Michael Scott: Yes you will.
Pam: He locked himself in his office all morning working on it.
Helene: Gimme. Just look at this wrapping paper. It's got the word love on it in every language.
Pam: Aww.
Michael Scott: I literally- I put no thought into the wrapping at all. Might as well of been toilet paper.
Helene: [opens present, reads inscription] A scrapbook of our first memories by Michael Gary Scott. For my girlfriend Helene on your birthday. [laughs]
Michael Scott: That's just an arbitrary title.

Helene: Okay, there's a penny. What's that from?
Jim: Penny for your thoughts.
Michael Scott: It was from the wishing well at the mall. You threw it in. I went back later, waded in and I found it.
Jim: Wow.
Pam: That's amazing.
Michael Scott: It's not amazing at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. And now your wish won't come true, so that blows.

Helene: A poem!
Michael Scott: Oh that I plagiarized I think.
Helene: "I can not go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay..."
Jim: [whispers to Pam] Shel Silverstein.
Pam: Yeah.
Helene: Um. "I have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash and purple bumps. And my teachers really mean, Happy Birthday , I love you Helene."
Pam: That's really nice Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh, I think it sucks.
Helene: I think it's wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
Michael Scott: Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes and you like lame things. It's a generational sort of gap between us.

Pam: Cake's really good.
Helene: Oh, I know. I love how they use butter cream frosting.
Michael Scott: Finish your cake, Helene.
Helene: Hmm?
Michael Scott: I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you. I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.

Helene: I'm 58. What am I supposed to do now?
Michael Scott: Well, hobbies-
Jim: Stop.

Michael Scott: Pamela Beesly Halpert.
Pam: What?
Michael Scott: May I have a word with you in my office please?
Pam: I am working.
Michael Scott: Well, this is a work related matter.
Pam: Really?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Pam: Really?