Andy: [singing] Christmas tiiiime is heeeere! [regular voice] Wow. Thanks guys, that sounded amazing. Hi, I'm Andy Bernard and I am the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true.

Meredith: What is the status on my wish?
Andy: Fulfilled! Brought my bicycle, so I can be your designated driver later. In the event that you drink to much, which is by no means required.

Dwight K. Schrute: What about my wish that we don't have to attend meetings that degrade our sense of adulthood?
Andy: That, I cannot do, but I did get you an acre of property on the moon.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where? Dark side or light side?
Andy: Light side.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is it by the Sea of Tranquility?
Andy: As a matter of fact, yes. Directly adjacent. Beachfront.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you, Andy.

Erin: I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.

Robert: Merry Christmas, Erin. Kelly, Happy Pancha Ganapati.
Kelly: Ew. What is that?
Robert: The five day Hindu celebration in December honoring the god Ganesh, Patron of the Arts.
Kelly: Cool.

Kevin: Hey, man.
Robert: Hey! Oh!
Kevin: How ya holdin' up...because of your wife leaving you?
Oscar: Kevin?
Robert: I actually appreciate the human intimacy. Feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.
Kevin: Yeah.
Robert: It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse.

Andy: Well, I hate to have to take my Santa hat off, and put on my hard ass hat. But, this is serious. It's come to my attention that somebody who shall remain nameless, wants to switch desk clumps.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine with me. Jim can leave anytime he wants. Goodbye.
Jim: It wasn't me.
Andy: It wasn't either of you.
Jim: Kathy wants to leave our clump?
Andy: Sh-sh-sh-sh! Don't look. Who it was is not important, but she did say that your constant pranking and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. She or he.

Andy: Alright. I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand... mo-nay.
Jim: What was that?
Dwight K. Schrute: What is it?
Andy: Money. You both have sizable Christmas bonuses coming your way. If I catch either of you messing with the other, I will give both bonuses to the other person.
Jim: Can't do that.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, absolutely not.
Andy: You need consequences, okay? I want you both walking on eggshells.

Darryl: Oh yeah, and um there's a Christmas party upstairs tonight, wanted to tell you about.
Val: Isn't that just for popsicles?
Darryl: Popsicles?
Val: Yeah, upstairs people? Cause you got a stick up your butt?
Nate: Ah! See, I- I thought it was because they're so rich they could all eat popsicles all the time. [laughs] I, in my, I...
Darryl: Well you should definitely come. The foreman always comes. Plus it's fun, you know cookies, smoked fish, alcohol, people acting stupid.
Nate: You had me at "clookies." I can't wait to find out what they are.
Val: What should I wear?
Darryl: Oh, it's nice, it's real nice. People get dressed up.
Nate: I will look so handsome for you, Darryl.

Jim: Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh God, now I can't drink at this thing... I get really pranky when I drink.