Jim: [on phone] Uh, yeah. I just got my replacement credit card... You want the number? Oh, it's, uh, 4-7-9-3-0-0-3-2-3-3-1-3. The security code is 9-2-7. Okay, great. Thank you very much. Bye.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a two hundred dollar bouquet of flowers, to my wife... from me.
[also to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: [manic laughing] Boom!

Darryl: I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost-buster.
Val: OK.
Darryl: I thought you'd wear a sweater.
Val: Since when does a sweater mean "dressed up"? Am I your grandson?
Darryl: Come on, stay, alright? It's good for people to get to know you.
Val: As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, maybe.

Erin: [imitating Stanley] I want.. my sugar free cookie, and then I want a sugar cookie. [group laughs] And then I want my nap!
Stanley: That's right. [laughs]

Jim: OK, you know what? Why don't we just call animal control...
Dwight K. Schrute: Might wanna run that by Angela cause it's so cute.
Angela: No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs.

Andy: Have you had anything to eat besides candy canes?
Erin: Every martini has an olive.
Andy: Okay. Maybe I should make you some oatmeal or something.
Kevin: I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, I'll take an apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk.

Ryan: You can't click on these Kardashian links. That's why you have so many viruses.
Kelly: Well, help me, okay? Just, uh take...
Ryan: I'm trying but you need to-

Erin: I would like another alcohol.
Robert: Let's you and I take a walk. Oscar, you're in charge of the bar.
Oscar: What? I haven't bar tended in forever. Oh, never considered myself a mixologist. Oh this is daunting. Um, I need a mortar, pestle, muddler. Does anyone have any chocolate shavings?

Dwight K. Schrute: ["Idiot" is written on his forehead] Ah, man. Ah. Fell asleep, took a nap. Hey guys. I feel refreshed now. How's it goin?
Oscar: Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Took a little nap right next to Jim's desk. I feel so good right now. Mmm, cookies. What's everyone staring at?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Oh man, I was supposed to tell Dwight something. C'mon, Jim. [shakes head] I got nothin'.

Kelly: I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be.
Erin: Oh no, no. It's fine, Kelly.
Kelly: It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.

Robert: Your heart is broken. So is mine.
Erin: And...
Robert: And what?
Erin: And you have any advice or anything?
Robert: No! [laughs] My god.
Erin: Help me feel better.
Robert: I've been married thrice and each has ended in an acrimonious divorce. I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice. I was hoping you were gonna make me feel better.