Sue: [mockingly] I'm Axl. I invent dumb things but think I'm smart.
Axl: Well, at least I'm not weird like Brick. [mockingly] Whoop! Whoop! French horn! [whispers] French horn.
Brick: Oh, are we imitating people? [high-pitched] I'm Sue! I just love America so much! I also love Germany! But now, not the way it used to be.

Frankie: Wait. She's not wearing her safari hat anymore?
Brick: Nope. She's waltzing around school on those flamingo legs of hers, just parading her porcelain ears for all to see. Yep, she's sending a very clear message.
Mike: That she's decided to be normal?
Brick: No. That she's on the prowl, hot to trot, open for business again.
Frankie: Okay, Brick, we get it.

Frankie: [sighs] Mike, listen to this. "The happiness you share is a precious gift. May your blessed union continue to bring you joy as you celebrate your silver anniversary. Much love, the five D's, The Donahues." Oh, my God.
Mike: A bit much, huh? Who's it for?
Frankie: Us!
Mike: Why?
Frankie: 'Cause it's our anniversary.
Mike: It is?
Frankie: Uh, yep, we forgot. Again.
Mike: Well, it's not our... silver anniversary.
Frankie: Who do you think would know better, you or Nancy?

Mike: Sue, I need you to take care of something.
Sue: I have a lot of sweaters with bells on them. What's up?
Mike: Listen, this weekend is your mom and my 25th anniversary. [Sue squeals] [Mike closes the door] Anyway, we're doing the whole shebang... dinner, flowers, gifts...
Sue: Oh, my God. I love it! So, what do you need my help with?
Mike: All those things.
Sue: Okay, well, she loves sunflowers, but those aren't in season right now, so let me think about it. And for a gift, maybe a chunky statement necklace or something silver or a photo puzzle with your wedding picture on it or...
Mike: Yeah, yeah. I don't need to hear.

Sue: Hey, guys! Mom and Dad's 25th anniversary is this weekend!
Axl: Wow, they're old.
Brick: Mm.
Sue: I know, right? This could be one of their last ones, so we got to make it good.
Brick: Mm, that doesn't sound like us.
Sue: What? No, no, no. We are going all out. The whole shebang. Okay, first things first, someone needs to make a dinner reservation. You know, someplace nice where there's ketchup on the table and not in a packet. [Axl and Brick are silent] All right, I'll take care of that one. Next, one of us needs to get flowers. We don't have a huge budget for this, but they've been madly in love for 25 years and I think the flowers should reflect that. [Axl and Brick remain silent] You know what, I'll do that one, too. Okay, the third thing is the gift. Now, the good mall is already out of business and the bad mall only has, like, three stores open. I have a few thoughts, but I wanted to hear what you guys were thinking before I jump in.
Brick: You should probably just jump in.
Sue: Okay, okay. So, what if we got them...
Axl: We don't need to hear.

Axl: Oh, wow. Look who it is... family of naysayers. You said no one was gonna want Bwine. Well, yours truly did a little market research. And before I got chased out of The Frugal Hoosier, I got a lot of great data. Guess what? 2 out of 10 people were mildly interested. Therefore, we can safely assume that 20% of all people in America love Bwine.
Mike: Well, 100% of the people on the couch want you to move.

Sue: Good, you're here. There has been something on my mind, and I really feel like we need to have a family meeting to discuss it. Brick!
Axl: Whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Can she call a family meeting? I thought only you guys could do that.
Sue: Okay, well then, I move to add a motion that the kids can call a family meeting. Anyone second the motion? Fine, I'll second it. I second my own motion.
Brick: What's going on?
Sue: I'm calling a family meeting.
Brick: Can she call a family meeting?
Axl: She seems to think so. She also seems to think she can second her own motions. Nice meeting, Sue. It's already off the rails.

Axl: Hey, if Sue can call family meetings, then I can adjourn one. Meeting is over! Let the record show that Sue is lame.

Frankie: Look, Sue, I get it. Unfortunately, that's the thing with families. You kind of fall into certain patterns.
Brick: You mean like you never making dinner?
Frankie: [scoffs] Look, I'm just saying that based on who you are in the family, you might be expected to do a few things. But you're not the only one with a role. I have a role, too. I'm stuck being the cheerleader for everybody.
Brick: The cheerleader?
Frankie: Yes. I have to keep the whole family going, keep everybody positive and in a good mood, 'cause your dad's kind of a dud, and if I didn't, nothing would ever happen around here.

Mike: Really? You guys like taking hot showers? 'Cause who gets up and lights the pilot light on the water heater every morning? Who warms up the cars when it snows? Who keeps the phones charged?
Axl: Oh, big deal. You plug in stuff.
Mike: You think that's all I do? I'm the buffer in this family. I'm your first line of defense between you and your mom. Do you know that she wanted everyone to wear ugly Christmas sweaters in the family photo, and I got her down to red shirts? So, you're welcome.