Sue: That reminds me. Who does all the Christmas wrapping? I do!
Axl: Speaking of wrapping, Sue, you want to wrap this up?
Sue: Shut up, Axl. You don't do a single thing to contribute to this family.
Axl: Oh, really? I am the face of this family. I am the shiny thing everyone looks at that distracts them from all you people's mediocrity.
Brick: You're calling us mediocre?
Axl: Hey, do you think it's fun going through my life carrying all you people on my back? [Mike scoffs] We're talking about roles here. My role in the family is to be awesome and that comes with a lot of pressure! You don't think I'd like to be a big nothing like Brick?

Axl: Oh, please. Raise your hand if you've invented a beverage that 20% of the country wants! Raise your hand if you've invented a homemade catapult that shoots you into a wall! I am like a Renaissance man. The rest of you practically live in a cave. You're like this painting I saw in Europe. I can't even describe it to you, 'cause I'm so far advanced.

Mike: So, how's it coming with the anniversary plans?
Sue: What?
Mike: You know, the dinner, flowers, gifts... the whole shebang we talked about.
Sue: Did you not hear me? Do you not remember the family meeting? I said I'm not doing it.
Mike: W-Well, yeah, I-I know you said that, but I thought you meant after this.
Sue: Mm, no, Dad. I meant this. I feel like I am being taken advantage of, and I can't let it go on any longer.
Mike: Okay, okay. I know that in the past, I have not appreciated what you do, so I think I know what would help... Please.
Sue: Sorry, Dad. I have been vulnerable to "please" in the past, but this time, I am serious. I'm not performing that role in the family anymore.

Mike: Oh, you got me! I'm not a party planner. Well, I think I do plenty of other things around here that more than make up for it.
Frankie: [chuckles] Oh, do you?
Mike: Yeah. A hell of a lot more than you.
Frankie: It's not a contest, Mike.
Mike: That's what people always say when they know they're losing.
Frankie: Oh, I'm sorry! You do a lot of things around here. I forgot. You plug things in. So that leaves you plugging and me... everything else!
Mike: [laughs] Your, uh, butt imprint on the couch says otherwise.
Frankie: Yeah, your big imprint is right next to it.
Mike: Okay, well, I'll tell you what? That's fine. How about, since you don't appreciate what I do around here, I won't be doing it anymore!
Frankie: Oh, give me a break.
Mike: Nope. I'm not plugging in your phone, I'm not worrying about your battery. Look at this ice scraper I got for you to put in your trunk cause it's getting cold? Mine now!

Sue: Guys! This is important! Do you not hear Mom and Dad? They're fighting. On their silver anniversary! You two need to step in and do something.
Brick: What?
Axl: Huh?
Sue: Well, I can't do it. It's not my role to be peacemaker anymore.
Axl: Oh, you're not playing your role anymore, hmm? Well, maybe I shouldn't play mine, either. Sure, I could go in there and lighten the mood with my levity and bring Mom and Dad back together, but, hey, maybe 25 years is all they got in them. Why waste my charm on a lost cause?

Sue: No, no, no. I know what you're doing. You think if you're stubborn enough, I'll crumble like I always do, but I mean it this time! [Axl giggles] What are you laughing at?
Axl: Oh, can't say, Sue, because I'm not playing the entertainer anymore. It's too bad, too, 'cause the thing I just thought of that I'm not saying is the funniest sick burn on you ever.
Sue: Grrr! Come on! Is it about my ugly face? Comparing me to an animal? My greasy scalp? My unruly leg hair? Something that rhymes with dork-cheese?

Sue: You guys, Axl won't tell me what insults he has for me!
Frankie: Axl, stop torturing your sister and tell her your insult!
Axl: I am busy! I am changing Heck's brand Bwine to H-E-X. This family will no longer be associated with my success. You guys are done riding my coat tails. And besides, "Hex" looks like "sex" and sex sells. Business major. Can't turn it off.
Frankie: Well, you can sex it up all you want, but nobody's gonna buy that crap.
Axl: I thought you liked it.
Frankie: Nope. Just being nice. Not anymore!
Axl: Well, fine. Then enjoy weaning yourselves off the teat that is my awesomeness. 'Cause from on, your bright and shining star is gonna be plain and boring. You know, like Brick.

Frankie: Okay, okay, everybody, that's enough. I think we have all made our point. We're all very valuable and whatever.
Mike: Well, good, maybe you're finally starting to understand and appreciate what I do around here.
Frankie: What? Complain? [mockingly] "Keep it down in there." "How long do we have to stay?" "No big drinks at the movies!"
Mike: Oh, we're doing each other now? [mockingly] "Hey, everybody, it's time for some forced family fun.
Let's dance!"
Frankie: [gasps] [normal voice] I can't believe you! After all these years of trying to get you to dance, you're doing it now? Don't you dare dance to spite me!

Frankie: Well, they're taking Mom for an MRI. I mean, she's good... she's stable and talking.
Sue: Well, what happened?
Frankie: She was driving to the house and apparently, like 10 miles away, she got dizzy and disoriented, and she managed to pull over. And thank God someone stopped and called 911.
Mike: Do they know what it is?
Frankie: Uh, they're still trying to figure it out, so they're doing some tests. There's a chance it could've been a stroke.
Sue: Oh!
Frankie: No, I can't believe it. Oh, I have to call Dad. Where's my phone?
Mike: Oh, you were low on battery, so I plugged it in over there. I already called Tag. And, uh, Bill Norwood is picking up Pat's car.
Frankie: Thank you.

Sue: I'm sorry I was so selfish. The cake wasn't even that good. It's Frugal Hoosier bakery, so it's basically just a frosted loaf of bread. Is there anything you need? What can I do?
Frankie: No, I'm fine, honey.