Janet: Derek, what are you doing here? You're supposed to stay at Mindy's.
Derek: I can't help it. I'm just such a proud daddy Derek. I mean, will you look at all these beautiful babies that we made?
Jason: She made them, dude. You barely did anything. Probably just, like, made all the butts.
Derek: I did make all the butts. I made that butt... I made that butt...
Janet: Right.
Derek: I made both those butts.
Janet: Derek, you have to stay at Mindy's house. What if one of our new humans sees you and starts asking questions about the weirdo in the tux?
Derek: Say no more. But before I leave, can I have a hug in celebration of everything that we created?
Janet: Okay.
Derek: Aww. That feels so... Derek.

Eleanor: Well, we're off to a fantastic start.
Janet: I wish I could stay and help, but this system is so complex that if I lose concentration for even one billionth of a second, the entire neighborhood could collapse in on itself like a dying star. Also, Brent wants a BLT.

Simone: Eleanor! Look what my brain did! It's not real and neither are you. [sings to herself] I'm in a coma and none of this is real...
Eleanor: [to Michael] Okay, I know this is bad and we need a new approach, but... she is wearing the hell out of those foam fingers.

Jason: Dude! Janet told you to stay at Mindy's.
Derek: I know, I just came to mix myself a Derek, and then I'll be on my way.
Jason: Before you leave, I want to call a truce.
Derek: Hmm?
Jason: Feel like you're trying to get under my skin, but it's okay. I've decided to rise above it.
Derek: Well spoken, Mr. Mendoza. Let me say in response... I will destroy you. Janet is, and always will be, my mommy-girlfriend. You have crossed the Rubicon now, pal.

Michael: We can't wait any longer. We have to introduce Simone to Chidi.
Eleanor: Why? I-I think she's doing great. [Simone knocks over a cake] See, she's getting all the cake-pushing out of her system.
Michael: I know it's painful to think of the two of them connecting, but Chidi made an incredible sacrifice. He had his memories erased so he could help people. And if we don't let him help Simone, it'll be all for nothing.
Eleanor: Fine. Stupid ethical reasonable argument. I wish you were a cake. Push you over.
Michael: Are you still muttering?
Eleanor: No! I stopped. Stupid, good-hearing, reformed demon...

Eleanor: You know what, Simone? Think of it this way. If this is really all a hallucination, doesn't it seem kind of basic? I mean, surely, your brain would imagine something weirder than just a nice cocktail party?
Simone: Oh, you mean like that?
Derek: [on projected screen] Attention, I have been Dereked.
Simone: That's probably my doctor. Oh, this is all in my head. I'm gonna go eat a knife.
Derek: [on screen] Attention. Murder has been me.

Michael: Let me get this straight: Derek, quote, "made mean eyes at you," so you went to Mindy's house and murdered him?
Jason: Yeah, dog, but his eyes were really mean. You're probably thinking this... but they were more like this...
Janet: [appears] Jason, why did you kill Derek? I had to get his giant head out of the sky before any of the humans could see, and it was not easy.
Jason: I was scared Derek was trying to slide into your DMs. I hate being scared. It's... It's scary.

Michael: [to Bad Janet] Okay, take off, and give Shawn a message for me. Tell him that we said, "Boo-yah!" Make sure you do the hand motion. Like, "Boo-yah!" Are you listening to me?
Eleanor: Okay, Michael, that's fine.
Michael: No, show me... Show me how you're gonna do it.
Eleanor: That's fine.
Michael: No, it's important that she does the hand thing, 'cause it really drives the point home.

Chidi: Wow! Just... Wow! It's perfect. Everything is just perfect. I am so, so happy.
Eleanor: I'm glad you like it.
Chidi: It's so quaint... It feels cozy, but also vibrant and limitless. I can't believe how... how utterly, completely, 100% perfect everything is...
Eleanor: You know, let's keep this moving.
Chidi: Oh, yeah, sure.

Eleanor: Well, I have a lot to attend to. Um... welcome to the Good Place, Chidi.
Chidi: Thank you so much. Ah... and I'm... I'm sorry. This has been so overwhelming, I-I forgot your name...
Eleanor: Eleanor.
Chidi: Eleanor, right. Sorry. Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor. Now I'll never forget.
Eleanor: Well, you might! [chuckles]