Sophia: Uh, at this time, the Awards Committee would like to ask Agnes' dear friend and our favorite runner-up, Rose Nylund, to accept the award for her.
[After a moment's hesitation, Rose reluctantly walks up to the stage. She is silent until Sophia punches her in the arm]
Rose: What a surprise. I am absolutely speechless. Except for the one that I have prepared. Laughter from the audience. What can I say about my good friend Agnes? I'll never forget the last time I spoke to her. She said, "Rose, I don't understand you. You work so much harder than the rest of us." And I remember I said, "Well, couldn't this wait just a minute? I'm reading to the blind."
Sophia: That's enough, Rose.
Rose: Oh, but it's so golden.
Sophia: [wresting the award from Rose] Let it go. Come on, let it go. Let it go, you loser! Thank you, Rose Nylund. Let's give her a big hand.

Rose: I just got a call from Thor Anderson in St. Olaf. He's going to be in Miami next week, and we're getting together for dinner and to talk about old times.
Dorothy: So?
Rose: I don't know a Thor Anderson in St. Olaf. But he certainly knew me. Boy, it's finally beginning to happen. I'm getting old and forgetting things, forgetting people who, at one time, were important to me.
Sophia: Don't be ridiculous. You're as mentally fit as you ever were. We all are.
Rose: Oh, thank you...
Sophia: Sophia.
Rose: Sophia.
Sophia: You're welcome...
Rose: Rose.
Sophia: Rose.

Rose: What a day. One sad person after another.
Dorothy: Rose, you work at grief counseling. What do you expect, comedians?
Rose: Well, it would be a change of pace.

Dorothy: I wonder what he looks like.
Rose: I hope he doesn't have hair in his ears. [shudders]

Rose: Anybody ready for dessert?
Charley: I am, Grandma.
Rose: Oh, good. I'll slice into that Rice Krispie log.
Dorothy & Blanche: Ah, just coffee.

Blanche: Oh, girls, I'm just so glad you're still up. Wait till I tell you about my date!
Rose: Wait till I tell you about my discovery!
Dorothy: Let's hear it.
Rose: It came to me when I was enjoying my second cup of Ovaltine-
Blanche: Richard flew me to Atlanta for dinner in his private jet!
Dorothy: You're kidding.
Rose: -and that's when it hit me. We don't even need our sludge tube.
Dorothy: Rose.
Blanche: And then for dessert, he took me to this most romantic little bistro. And while the waiter was glazing my peaches, Richard leaned over and took my hand. And you know what he said?
Dorothy: What?
Rose: Our biggest worry will be tank sweat. [off Dorothy and Blanche's look] Sorry.

Rose: We had a pig once. All the male pigs loved her. She was beautiful. And she got pregnant and we never knew who the father was.
Dorothy: Oh, my God, Rose. What did you do on Father's Day?

Rose: Blanche, do you have a minute? Dorothy and I have been up all night working on a song. We'd like your opinion.
Blanche: Oh, sure.
Dorothy: I think we really might've hit on something.
Dorothy & Rose: [singing] M-l-A, another M-I M-l-A-M-I spells "Miami Beach"
Blanche: Girls.
Dorothy & Rose: It stirs emotion.
Blanche: Girls.
Dorothy & Rose: It's by the ocean.
Blanche: Girls.
Dorothy & Rose: So bring your suntan-
Blanche: Girls.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: Well, M-l-A-M-I don't spell "Miami Beach". That spells "Miami".
Rose: I told you not to add "Beach".
Dorothy: Oh, fine, fine. You find something to rhyme with "Miami", hotshot.
Rose: Mammy! Whammy, clammy, Alabamy, hootenanny, salami.
Dorothy: "Hootenanny" is marginal, and I refuse to accept "salami".

Dorothy: You have a date? Anyone we know?
Rose: Isaac.
Dorothy: Excuse me?
Rose: Isaac, from the personals.
Blanche: You're not serious?
Rose: Sure I am. Before I had a chance to write and suggest we meet, I got a letter from him, saying he was being transferred to Saskatchewan. He's going to be the Smudge Pot Supervisor of the first domed orange grove in Canada. Anyway, he's leaving Tuesday, so I figured there was no time to waste.
Blanche: I told you we shouldn't have done this.
Rose: So I looked through all the phone books, and would you believe there was only one listing for Isaac Q Newton. I called him up and invited him to the reception. He should be here any minute.

Dorothy: Now look, you've got to get a grip on yourself.
Rose: I'm sorry. I know I'm behaving like a fool. But I got a right to sing the blues. I lost my teddy.
Dorothy: I understand, Rose. Which, if I thought about it, says something deeply disturbing about me. ... "I've got a right to sing the blues"?