Sophia: I got it, nobody told me. I didn't get it, nobody told me. I figured, "This is life," and went back to my meatballs.

Sophia: I had a cousin once who didn't get her period for twenty years. Then at seventy-two she got pregnant.
Dorothy: Ma, that never happened.
Sophia: Yes, it did.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. Then it must be in the Guinness Book Of Records.
Sophia: It is. The Sicilian one. The Garibaldi Book Of Records.
Dorothy: Ma, no 72-year-old woman ever became pregnant.
Sophia: So what? It cheered her up.

Blanche: Well, my whole childhood, I kept hearing about the curse. How when I was 13, I was going to get the curse. I was absolutely terrified. The year of my 13th birthday, I slept with the lights on all year. Oh, I was sure there was a witch behind every wisteria. I didn't go out on Halloween. I was a wreck. But the year went by and no curse. Then the next year went by, no curse. Then finally, when I was 15, Mama took me to the doctor because I still didn't have the curse. And he said, "Blanche, do you mean to tell me you still don't have your period?" I said, "Well, of course I have my period, you fool. I'm not a child. I've had my period for almost two years. It's the curse I don't have."

Dorothy: And they say the Everglades are drying up and being built on.
Rose: No.
Dorothy: Yes. Yes. You know, such a beautiful place. Eventually, there won't be any land anywhere. It's such a shame.
Rose: Oh, it is. It really is. You know what's also a shame?
Dorothy: What?
Rose: When you sit down and your thighs become twice their size, that's a shame.

Rose: Oh, I am just so excited about this. Mink breeding is great idea.
Dorothy: You know, I didn't think you'd like it.
Rose: Why?
Dorothy: Well, I know how you feel about animals. And since we're breeding mink for fur, eventually they'll have to be killed. And I just didn't think you'd go for it.
Rose: Do they have to be killed?
Sophia: No, Rose. Many women like wearing coats that urinate.

Rose: I understand. I grew up on a farm. I'm used to it. You see, farmers, they love their animals and still kill 'em because it's the cycle of life. Good animals serve man and then they go to heaven.
Dorothy: Heaven?
Rose: Yes. Heaven's full of cows and chickens and horses and pigs.
Sophia: I hope heaven has boots.

Blanche: See, it starts out red, and if it doesn't change color, they say you're not pregnant. If you are, it turns pink or grey.
Rose: I had drapes that color once. I think it's called puce.
Blanche: Is that what puce is? I always wondered.
Rose: That's what the decorator told me.
Sophia: Oh, it looks lavender to me.
Rose: I hated those drapes.
Blanche: Lavender's a great color on me, brings out my eyes.
Rose: Your eyes aren't lavender.

Dorothy: They need an aphrodisiac.
Rose: An African what?
Dorothy: An aphrodisiac. It's a substance that makes you feel sexy.
Rose: Really? Like what?
Dorothy: Like, uh, Spanish fly.
Rose: Spanish flies?
Dorothy: Fly. Fly, Rose. One fly.
Rose: Oh, come on, Dorothy. I've been to Spain. It's not the cleanest country in the world. They got thousands of flies. Valencia alone...
Dorothy: It is not a fly, Rose.
Rose: Spanish fly is not a fly?
Dorothy: No.
Rose: What is it?
Dorothy: It's a beetle.
Rose: They call it a fly but it's really a beetle?
Dorothy: Yes.
Rose: How do they know it's Spanish?
Dorothy: Because it wears a little sombrero, Rose.
Rose: Well, why don't they just call it a beetle, Spanish beetle?
Dorothy: Because they call it Spanish fly.
Rose: Well, what do they call their flies?
Dorothy: I don't care, Rose. Forget it. I don't care. The minks can sit there and we'll lose our money. Just don't mention Spanish fly to me again.
Rose: You're really touchy about these Spanish flies, aren't you?

Sophia: Did you see him? Total fruitcake. We're talking serial murderer.
Rose: Well, if somebody tries to murder cereal, he should see a psychiatrist. [laughs]
Dorothy: Don't talk for the rest of the afternoon.

Dr. Barensfield: No, you're not. You're Blanche, and all that's happening is a biological process, which means one thing and one thing only: You can no longer have children.
Blanche: Oh, it means more than that. Much more. God, I can't even believe I'm really here. You know, at this point in my life, I can't believe we're having this conversation about me.
Dr. Barensfield: It's hard for you to accept.
Blanche: You know, nobody in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist. Except, of course, when they were institutionalized. It's just so awful. But you're a man. You wouldn't understand.
Dr. Barensfield: Why wouldn't I understand?
Blanche: Well, you don't get old and lose your appeal the way women do. Look at Mr. Cary Grant. Now, he can have any woman he wants and he's in his 80s. You just show me a woman like that in her 50s. And don't say Joan Collins. That woman belongs in a wax museum.