Clayton: Blanche, we don't have to worry about what the world thinks about our relationship. It just doesn't matter, because we're there for each other. I'd do anything for Doug, and he'd bend over backwards for me.
Dorothy: [covers Sophia's mouth and pulls her close] Sometimes I just love to hug my mommy.

Blanche: It's easier for you to say that, Sophia. It's not your brother who's getting married to a man.
Sophia: Hey, it's not like the guys in my family never kissed a man. Of course, that was business. Although there was that one hit man who always had to have a flower in his lapel and would hold the kiss of death a little longer than he had to.
Blanche: Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?
Sophia: Why did you marry George?
Blanche: We loved each other. We wanted to make a lifetime commitment. Wanted everybody to know.
Sophia: That's what Doug and Clayton want, too. Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn't everyone have that chance?

Blanche: I think I did a great job covering up how upset I am.
Dorothy: You mean, like how you started sobbing when Clayton asked for more fruit cocktail?
Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual. I just don't like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you?
Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah. They're called lesbians.

Sophia: The winner of this year's Volunteer Vanguard Award is- Rose.
Rose: Yes!
Sophia: Hand me that glass of water, please. Wow! What a surprise! Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in history, we have a posthumous winner, Agnes Bradshaw!
Rose: It's a fix! She's dead! She doesn't need that on her mantel. She's on her mantel!

Rose: Hot damn! It's happened! It's finally happened! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
Dorothy: I take it we now get The Disney Channel.

Dorothy: They can sleep in Ma's room and she'll sleep with me.
Sophia: Oh, Ma doesn't get a say. It doesn't matter what Ma thinks. Ma's a piece of furniture who has no feelings or opinions.
Dorothy: Nonsense, my little hat rack.

Clayton: Oh, Blanche, Doug and I were wondering what's happening with the sleeping arrangements.
Well, I'll be there in just a moment to get you two settled in. Now, if you sleepy heads could wait just a- [pushing Clayton back into the living room] Sleeping arrangements? What in hell am I gonna do about the sleeping arrangements?
Dorothy: Well, honey, why can't you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?
Blanche: Are you crazy? What will the neighbors think if they see two men in my bedroom?
Sophia: They'll think it's Tuesday.

Sophia: [on the phone] Hello? Frank's Flowers? Hey, Frank! Sophia Petrillo here. Listen, I decided the price you quoted me on those centerpieces is too high. So I thought maybe we could make a deal. Now, my daughter is single. What do you mean, "Is she easy?" You're talking about my flesh and blood. 40% off? Oh, you bet she's easy. Sure, Dorothy'll love that. OK, Frank. I'll set it up. Gotta go.

Dorothy: Oh, gee, Ma, you know, ever since the two of us started planning this banquet, you have been incredible. I mean, you told me you got a great deal on the flowers, the caterer, the janitorial service. Oh, I wish I worked this hard for charity.
Sophia: You will, Pussycat, you will.

Dorothy: Rose, honey, congratulations! I hear you've been nominated again for the Volunteer of the Year Award.
Rose: Yep. Seven years I've been nominated for the Volunteer Vanguard Award, and seven years I've had to watch Agnes Bradshaw snatch it away from me. Well, she's not gonna do that this year. This year, I'm finally gonna beat her. I'm gonna win!
Dorothy: Why? Because you worked harder than Agnes?
Rose: Because she's dead. Yep! As a doornail. Dead, dead, dead. Coffee?