Adult Adam: [v.o.] But eventually we did. And once we hit the highway, it was smooth sailing. Of course, there were some bumps inside the car.
Adam: God! You keep smashing into me! Stop it!
Barry: No can do, Ad-Rock. And be warned, as my muscles grow, expand, and explode outward, I'll need more space.
Adam: Why do I always have to sit in the middle?
Barry: 'Cause windows are for college men, not high school losers!

Adam: Erica, switch seats with me, please.
Erica: Hey, if a guy says he needs to talk, is that bad?
Adam: Ooh.
Erica: Is that a good "ooh"?
Adam: Uh.
Erica: Is that a good "uh"?
Barry: You and Geoff are toast! And not good toast with tons of marmalade and butter. Bad toast that's burnt and breaking up with you.
Erica: He's not breaking up with me! He just got real serious, and then said he didn't want to ruin my vacation by telling me something and sped off and... Oh, my God, Geoff's breaking up with me!

Adam: You should call him.
Erica: How? He's on the road, too!
Adam: I guess you just won't know for a week. But hey, look on the bright side... Star Wars.
Erica: Yeah, that sounds fun and so much more important than my relationship!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Pops' blonde beauty sped away, we headed towards our first pit stop, the Old West. See, back in 1980-something, it was 1880-something.
Beverly: Would you look at this place? It's like stepping back in time!
Murray: The hotel room prices are certainly up-to-date.

Sheriff: Howdy, folks. Welcome to Durango Gulch, population 237. Oops. Looks like 236.
Erica: Funny stuff, Quick Draw McGraw. But, um, where's the pay phones?
Sheriff: It's the 19th century, ma'am. I don't reckon to know what hifalutin contraption you're speaking about.
Erica: Okay, so you're just gonna keep doing the thing? Great. I'll be in the saloon.

Sheriff: Ooh, looks like we got a real cowboy here. You just step off the trail, pardner?
Barry: I'm walking like this because I blasted my thighs with unbridled intensity for 300 miles.
Sheriff: How would you two little wranglers like to be my deputies? [badge clatters]
Barry: "Little wrangler"? I'm a man who could grow twice the mustache you have except then you'd be humiliated, and I'd become sheriff, and I don't want that responsibility. Ohh... Ow, ow. Ohh. Not cool, man! Not cool!
Adam: Yeah, I don't think he totally gets what this place is.

Adam: Yo, wanna go ride a dead-eyed mule in a circle? It's super sad!
Barry: No! I'm not going on some dumb kid's ride. Just leave me alone.
Adam: Are you really still upset that I accurately suggested you're not ready for the next major step in your life?
Barry: Please, your devastating words had no effect on me. I know I'm a man!
Sheriff: Oh, no! Bandits have surrounded the stagecoach!
Barry: And I'm gonna prove it!

Sheriff: Is there one man brave enough to stop these banditos with this here lasso?
Barry: I am that one man, Fake Sheriff.
Sheriff: You know your way around a rope, son?
Barry: Of course I know ropes. I've played tug-of-war and the board game Clue... But we lost that piece, so we use an old checker.
Sheriff: Now just swing this thing in a slow circular pattern.
Barry: Yah! Yah! Yah! Yah! Yah! [glass shatters] Is that one of those cheap plate-glass windows that cowboys are always crashing through?
Sheriff: It is not.

Murray: Morons! I mean, who gets kicked out of an imaginary Western town? Those rooms were non-refundable!
Beverly: Well, this is just perfect. Where are we supposed to stay tonight?
Pops: Don't you worry about me.
Aleah Welsh: Hey, Al. Ready to go?
Pops: You know it, sweetie. I'm gonna miss you guys.
Aleah Welsh: You know, you're welcome to stay.
Pops: I'm being polite. Punch it! [tires squeal]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That night, our hotel didn't have four stars. It had four wheels.
Adam: Stop fluffing me, I'm not a pillow!
Barry: Then get softer!